


More and More

by youoldstudmuffinyou



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura is still alive, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Loss, Counseling, Established Relationship, M/M, Mpreg, Post-Season/Series 07
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26403736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youoldstudmuffinyou/pseuds/youoldstudmuffinyou
Summary: It's three years after the war and although the universe is starting to gain hope, Keith and Lance begin to lose hope in their relationship. They go to counseling to reconcile their relationship and remind themselves why exactly they are together.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 57





	1. The Fault In Our Start

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: child loss, trauma, some minor homophobic moments and a little cheating. (Also mpreg)
> 
> *Hey fellow readers, although this fic has a lot of angst, it does have a happy ending. This is a story I've been thinking about writing but fumbled around with because it hits a little close to home. But I think love in its truest form, is deciding to stay even when you don't feel it and you feel unworthy. I feel that love is loving your partner as a human being and staying by them no matter what. I could be wrong, but that's where I'm at. I hope you enjoy it.

It seemed weird.

Keith had his fair share of awkwardly sitting across from a discipline, averting their gaze by staring at the carpet of their office. He remembers doing it after his father died and was placed in a group home. He felt small... and a little helpless although he swore he was doing fine.

So it's probably normal that those old feelings resurface now, but with Lance sitting on the opposite end of the couch? Yeah, this was weird. Keith wondered if he'll always have to deal with souped up professionals, peering over readers and clipboards to help him figure out his life. It happened after the war, too. Mandatory trauma counseling that all of the paladins had to do. Even though he tried to skip it, Shiro damn near forced him to go. He had no choice in either of those situations. But this time was different. 

This time, he had made the call. He found the therapist, Dr. Echardt, listed in an ad at the Garrison. She was different than any past sessions he's ever had. For one, her office was littered with green plants and vines crawling up her walls. She had a bay window that shone sunlight into the small room. She sat one leg over the other, skirt just barely touching her knees, shoulders straight and attentive, yet she seemed relaxed. As if this wasn't some clinical study to dissect his love life with his former fellow paladin. Maybe it was how she tilted her head as Lance talked or nodding when Lance expressed a concern.

Her eyes turned to Keith and she lifted her brows. She smiled. "Keith? Anything you'd like to add?" She asked. 

Keith was silent, his arms folded and slouching slightly. When the silence went on for too long, Lance huffed on the other end of the couch. "Seriously, babe?"

"I don't know what you want me to say." Keith said. He shrugged his shoulders and sat upright. "You said it yourself, I'm selfish and stubborn." 

He could feel Lance's eyes burn on the side of his face. Lance shook his head and turned to Dr. Echardt. "You see what I mean? All he hears is the negative things I say. That's not all I said." Lance began to shout, but quickly hushed when Dr. Echardt motioned for him to quiet down. 

"Keith." Dr. Echardt said. Keith sunk lower into the couch. He didn't want to move. He didn't want to answer. He knew she would ask why wasn't he paying attention or why did he even suggest they have couples counseling if he wasn't even going to try. But Dr. Echardt took a different approach.

"Tell me a time you felt empowered by Lance."

Keith lifted his head and glanced over to Lance, who also was thrown off by the question. He cleared his throat and thought back.

"Lance, he... he always empowered me." Keith said. His mind went back to their Voltron days and how Lance immediately picked up the mantle as right hand man. No questions asked. "When we fought as Voltron, Lance was always there. I was sometimes unsure as the black paladin, but he was always there... reminding me that I could do it." Keith smiled a little then smiled a little more when he felt long fingers reach across the couch and interlock their hands.

"That's wonderful. Did that encouragement continue once you got together?" Dr. Echardt asked.

Keith's hand went stiff in Lance's hold. "It did until..." Keith released his hand from Lance. 

"Babe..."

"It was my fault. I told him to stop coddling me." Keith said and folded his arms again. 

"It wasn't your - it wasn't his fault." Lance directed at Dr. Echardt.

"Please, Lance, allow Keith to speak."

Lance resigned to his side of the couch and bent his head down.

"Keith, when did you tell him to stop?"

Lance took a deep breath. Keith knew Lance hated when he put blame on himself. Even as estranged as they were, Keith reached over and rubbed Lance's back to soothe him.

"When I lost our baby." Keith said, this time his eyes were on the smooth leather cushion between him and Lance. "It was my fault-"

Lance's head jerked up. "It wasn't your fault!"

"Lance." Dr. Echardt reminded him and Lance didn't say another word. She looked to Keith with a puzzling look. "Forgive me, I'm not familiar. Was this a child you organically created together?"

Keith couldn't look her in the eyes. "Yeah. I'm half Galra. They're an intersex species with the ability to create from any gender. I didn't know this at the time. It kinda came as a surprise."

"I see." If Dr. Echardt was disgusted or terrified at this knowledge, she didn't show it. She kept a still face and nodded for Keith to continue.

"But since, I'm also half human, successful birth rates are rare." Keith spit out the facts as if he were reciting a memorized presentation. He had to. If he became connected to his words in any way, he'd be falling down a long rabbit hole that he wasn't prepared for. 

It was silent for a moment. He heard Lance sniffle and the guilt washed over him, chilling him down to the bones. Damn it. His walls crashed down when he saw Lance rubbed his eyes. Tears began to prick at his eyes when he spoke. "Lance wanted to be a father so bad. He was so happy." Keith's eyes watered and he quickly wiped it with the back of his hand. "I couldn't give that to him."

"Babe." Lance looked up to him and his eyes were bloodshot from crying. "Please... stop. It wasn't your fault. It will never be your fault."

Dr. Echardt watched the two on the couch. She watched the way Keith's hand cupped Lance's face and wiped the wetness from his cheek. She took a deep breath. 

"I have a suggestion to how we can spend the remainder of our session today. It's something that I like to do with first time couples." Dr. Echardt began. "Lance, I'd like to speak with Keith alone for a moment. And then I'll speak with you once we're done. How does that sound?"

Keith and Lance gave each other a look and nodded. He kissed Keith on the cheek before getting up. "There's a cafe in this building if you'd like to get coffee. Ask Nicole at the front desk and she can direct you." Lance nodded and waved before slinking out of the office.

Keith stiffened on the couch when Dr. Echardt turned her attention back to him. But she wasn't staring him down or even trying to read him. She only smiled and tilted her head. "I know telling a stranger your most intimate secrets can be daunting, but we don't-"

"I actually prefer it." Keith interrupted. "You don't know me. So if you judge me, I don't care." 

Dr. Echardt nodded. "Do you feel like the people who know you tend to judge more often?" 

Keith crossed his arms and remained silent. He walked right into that one. Dr. Echardt caught on and hid a small smile. 

"Well, why don't we start with Lance?" She asked. "Do you remember how you first met?" 

That seemed to elicit a response. Keith actually laughed and closed his eyes. "Yeah I remember. We were cadets at the Garrison. He looked like a peanut." He smiled fondly as he thought back. His eyes rested on a vine that looped over the window. "He swore we were rivals but I honestly didn't know him. We, I guess, officially met when we rescued Shiro from the Garrison. And the rest is history. I'm sure you know that story." He looked up to her and she shrugged.

"Assume I didn't."

"Okay..." Keith sighed and sat upright on the couch. "Well, we were paladins of Voltron. We found the Blue Lion here on earth and were sent to outer space for two years to fight an intergalactic war." He spoke as if he were on autopilot. As if he'd said this spiel a thousand times to news media, Garrison classes, fans, basically anyone who had asked him his story since the war ended. "While I was out there, I discovered I was half Galra, I found my mom, and joined a secret elite team of assassins. Zarkon was defeated. When Sendak invaded Earth, I killed him."

Dr. Echardt didn't move. "What happened after the war, Keith?"

Keith finally looked up to her. He knew what she was asking yet for some reason, his mouth didn't want to answer. He had to mentally kick himself. He had to remind himself that he's there for Lance. He's there for both of them. He wants them to work and figure out why they've been so tense around each other lately. He sighed. He was ready to open up.

"I fell in love. I fell in love with Lance." 

-

"So there you have it. The wonderful team of Voltron. Defenders of the Universe. Here to protect and keep you safe. Now, where will you all go from here?" The tv show host, Roxanne, directed her question to Pidge so she could answer first. 

"Oh," Pidge smiled nervously at the camera. "I'm working for the Galaxy Garrison with my parents. We're constantly developing tech that will help better our future." 

Roxanne seemed very satisfied with that answer. The audience clapped on cue. "That's amazing. I wouldn't expect anything less from the team's tech wizard." Roxanne said and turned to Hunk. "And what about you big fella?"

"Well, I've organized a team of intergalactic chefs and cooks. We cater throughout the galaxy, bringing hearts together, one plate at a time." Hunk folded a hand over his chest and the audience, including Roxanne, swooned and aww'ed. 

"That's the bee's knees!" She squealed. "I'd love to taste your amazing cooking sometime." She looked to Shiro. "What about you, Commander?"

Shiro nodded and stared straight into the camera. "I'm the Commander of the IGF - ATLAS. Though, Sendak is defeated, work still needs to be done within the universe after 10,000 years of war."

"Speaking of Sendak," Roxanne nudged Keith who sat closest to her. "We have this guy to thank for his proper demise. What's next for you, killer?" She smiled but Keith didn't return it in kind. He hated this. He hated this show. He hated Roxanne. He hated being this propped up 'celebrity' but Shiro said it helped for morale. Which was desperately low from Sendak almost destroying Earth. 

Keith sighed and shook his head. "I'm continuing to work with the Blades of Marmora. We've turned to a more humanitarian relief for planets who were ravaged by the war."

"Will you get to wave your fancy sword around?" Roxanne asked and winked. The audience laughed and Keith wanted to make his knife appear, but he thought it might be an overreaction.

"I hope not, Roxanne."

She could take a hint. Finally, her attention turned to Lance. He sat in his own chair since he couldn't fit on the couch with the others. He posed once the cameras closed in on him and the audience ooh'ed and ahh'ed.

"There he is!" Roxanne exclaimed and giggled. "The razzle dazzle of the group and also... the lover of a certain Altean princess." More oohs from the crowd. 

"Yeah, Princess Allura sends her regrets that she couldn't be here today, Roxanne. She had royalty...um things to take care of."

"Eloquent, Lance." Pidge muttered and he nudged her.

"It's alright. She's a busy woman. And I have to ask. What's keeping you busy since the war ended?" Roxanne asked. 

Lance shrugged. "I've had a lot of adventure with these wonderful people the past couple years, but once the war was over, I just really missed my mom's home cooking. I spend time with my family making up for lost time."

The crowd aww'ed and Roxanne wiggled her brows. "I'm sure you're getting time together now. And I'm sure it won't be long until there's a royal wedding."

Lance laughed and gave a charming smile. "We'll see. You'll be the first to know, Roxanne."

Finally, the cameras shut off and Keith could shed the pleasant smile on his face. He removed his lapel mic before waiting to hand it off to the sound guy. He turned to leave, but stopped when he felt Shiro's cold mechanical hand on his arm. He still couldn't get used to the hovering prosthetic. 

"You're in a hurry." Shiro said.

"I just want to leave." Keith muttered. His eyes scanned behind Shiro to Lance, Hunk, and Pidge standing in a semi circle, talking animatedly with Roxanne. "I want to go before-"

"Hey, Keith! Shiro!" Hunk called.

"Shit." Keith rolled his eyes and Shiro laughed. He gently nudged Keith along as they walked over. 

"Let's go." He sang.

The gang greeted them and Roxanne threw an arm over Keith and he had to mentally try to not shrug her off. 

"Paladins, we're having an after party at La Roux. You're all welcomed to come. Bring friends, okay?" She smiled wide and gave Keith a little jostle before departing. "I'll see you all tonight!"

"Aww yeah! That's what I'm talking about!" Lance exclaimed and did a little dance. Keith had to stifle his laugh, but Hunk and Pidge laughed. 

"Yeah, man it's been a while since I've partied with people who weren't... what's the word?" Hunk said then paused.

"Scientists. Geeks. Unable to even snap on rhythm." Lance answered and Hunk nodded.

"Well, have a good time tonight." Shiro said. "It's late and I want to see Curtis before his late shift at the Garrison."

The three Garrison gang aww'ed and blew kisses at Shiro and he smiled. "Okay, Shiro. We get it. You're old and happy and living in domestic bliss." Lance laughed then looked to Keith. He tilted his head and smiled at him. It sent something warm bloom in Keith's stomach.

"What about you, team leader?" He asked and flashed a toothy grin. Keith had to look to the floor and cross his arms. 

"I'm going back to my hotel. I have an early morning tomorrow. A mission to the Drysik quadrant." He said.

Lance shook his head. "You really need to cut loose and have fun for once, Mullet!"

"Yeah," Pidge said. "I mean, I don't like parties, but I guess I'll give it a try."

Keith waved them off. "It's okay. It was great seeing you all." He turned to leave and thankfully, Shiro actually let him. 

That was the last he thought he'd see Lance until the next reunion, or talk show, or whatever the hell else dog and pony show that the paladins of Voltron had to do. 

But back at his hotel, Keith had just gotten out of the shower, dapping his wet hair when he heard a knock on his door. Suspicious, Keith went for his blade and hid it behind his back. He slowly stepped to the door and peered through the the peek hole. His shoulders slumped when he saw Lance, hands behind his back and smiling.

Keith opened the door and Lance revealed what he was holding behind his back. A bottle of wine. 

"Hey!" He said and invited himself in then immediately stopped when he saw the blade in Keith's hand. "Whoa... is that a knife in your hand or are you just happy to see me?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

Keith was still shocked to see him at his door. He shook his head. "What? What are you..." He peered outside of the door to see if Lance had brought anyone else to his hotel room. Seeing the empty hall, he closed and locked it.

"Lance, what are you doing here?" 

Lance rose the bottle of wine as if the answer was so simple.

"I have an early morning tomorrow. Besides, shouldn't you be at some lavish hollywood party?' 

Lance shrugged and made himself comfortable. He sat down on the couch and lifted his feet on the coffee table. "Hunk and Pidge bailed. It's no fun partying by yourself. It's actually really sad." He paused to ponder a moment then looked up to Keith. "Plus... I want to spend time with you."

The laugh that sputtered out of Keith's mouth wasn't intentional. It just happened. "Me? Why?"

Lance shrugged again. "I don't know. It's been months since we've seen each other and a stuffy late night talk show isn't really spending quality time." Keith still looked confused and Lance laughed. "I missed you, idiot."

"Oh." Keith said and finished patting his hair dry with the towel. He joined him on the couch. "I mean, thanks? I don't know. I'm not the most fun to-"

"Keith, stop." Lance waved him off. He stood up to find two glasses from the mini bar and came back to the couch. He poured them both a glass of wine. He raised it to clink glasses. "To Vol...to us." He said simply and Keith wasn't sure what to make of that. He just clinked glasses anyway and gulped the entire thing in one swig. He needed something to take his edge.

"Whoa." Lance laughed. "You okay?"

Keith set the glass down and nodded. "Yeah, why?"

"Nothing...nothing..." Lance took a small sip. "So, the blades are going to the Drysik quadrant tomorrow?"

"What?" 

"Your mission? Tomorrow morning?" Lance reminded.

"Oh, right. Yeah." Keith stood to his feet. "Maybe you should go then? Thanks for stopping by." 

"Wow. Kicking me out?" Lance didn't even budge. Instead he poured more wine into his glass and crossed his legs. "Real classy, mullet."

"Lance..." Keith sighed and looked down to him. "Seriously, what do you want?"

The amusement faded from Lance's face. He calmly set his wine down then looked back up to Keith.

"You've been avoiding me." He said. His voice seemed to dip a little lower and chills ghosted over Keith's arms.

"Come on, are you serious?" 

"Yeah."

"Lance-"

"Keith." Lance pointed back. They waited in silence for a moment and all throughout that time, Keith could only think about a royal wedding. It's all he could think about since the talk show. The inevitable royal wedding between Lance and Allura. Allura. That's who Lance had chose. It was her. It was always her. Keith felt so dumb feeling the way he'd been feeling. It's a crush, he decided a few months ago. It's only a crush and it'll go away. 

It's Lance. There's no way Keith likes him. There's no way Keith would ever be with him. It's not a possibility. It never will be. He's made his peace with that so the sooner Lance leaves his hotel room, the better. 

But when he looked down to Lance's face, something bubbled inside of him. He wasn't sure what it was. Maybe it was jealousy? Anger? Frustration? He asked a question as gently as he could. "Are you going to ask Allura to marry you?" 

The question really seemed to throw Lance off guard. He smiled then shook his head. "What?"

"At the talk show." Keith said. "Roxanne mentioned-"

"Oh." Lance laughed again and it was really starting to piss Keith off. "That's just television. You know, give 'em something to chew on."

"So... you aren't getting married?"

"I..." Lance blew out through his lips. "Geez, this is sudden. I don't know. Why? What does avoiding me have to do with Allura?" 

Heat burned on Keith's cheeks. "I'm done with this. Just go, Lance, okay?" 

Lance finally stood, leaving the wine. "Okay, okay. I can take a hint."

"Apparently not. I had to tell you like three times." Keith said as he showed Lance to the door. 

Lance chuckled and turned to Keith as he opened the door. "Hey, would you still be my friend once I get married?" Lance asked. Keith became way too aware of how close he stood to Lance at the door. Despite his age increase on the space whale, Lance was still a _smidge_ taller than him. Keith looked up to him, knowing that he was just inches away from kissing him. He held his resolve, but he didn't back up. And neither did Lance.

"I'll always be your friend, Lance." He said simply. Lance nodded at that answer. 

"Good night, team leader."

"Good night, sharpshooter."

Keith closed the door and hovered for a moment. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. He isn't his. Lance would never, he'd never, well, he'd never even love him like he loves-

A soft knock on the door stopped Keith from spiraling. He didn't even think to grab his blade this time. He whisked the door open and Lance stood in the doorway. All the youthful joyfulness that usually accompanied Lance's features were gone. He stared down to Keith's eyes. The blue in his eyes seemed darker and he asked a question in such a soft voice. A voice Keith had never really heard before. 

"What if I want to be more than friends?" 

Keith couldn't hold it in any longer. He cupped Lance's face and brought his lips to his. Lance wrapped his arms around Keith's waist, nudging, waddling them back inside the apartment. 

\--

Keith rested his head back on the couch. Dr. Echardt offered him a glass of water and he took it. He'd been talking for a while. Here it comes. He knew it was coming. How could Keith do that? Lance was dating Allura. He had no right to kiss him first. Lance had no right to pick him off his feet in the hotel room, dropping him on the bed. And in turn, Keith had no right to rip Lance's clothes off like they were on fire. He's heard the spiel from Pidge, Hunk, Shiro, Coran, but surprisingly not Allura. She was crushed in every sense of word yet she never accused Keith of being a homewrecker like the rest of his friends did. 

"Is that when you realized you were in love with Lance?" Dr. Echardt asked. This woman really was a woman of grace. She didn't react at all the way Keith thought she would have.

"I've always known I loved Lance. I...just thought it was unattainable." Keith said. He thought back to their first night together. "What made me realize we were meant for each other is the fact we both lied."

Dr. Echardt furrowed her brows. "Lied? How so?"

"Hunk and Pidge didn't bail on Lance. He bailed on them... to come see me." Keith scoffed at his own young stupidity. "I lied about the mission in the morning. I just couldn't stand being around Lance, feeling what I was feeling."

Dr. Echardt smiled and it felt warm. It was the only positive reaction he's ever had to this terrible thing he's done. "It seems the stars had aligned to get you two together. Do you believe in fate, Keith?"

He shrugged. "I'm not sure. So much fucked up shit has happened in my life. I don't know if that's meant to be."

"I'm not saying fate is real or just an idea. But our lives are made up of the choices we make. And even if something good came from that decision, we have to live with the unfortunate consequences that come with it." She said and Keith tried to follow her point. "How did your friend, Allura, take the news?"

Point made.

Keith nodded. "Lance told her immediately. Like the day after. They broke up and because they were such a public couple, we received a lot of heat. I received a lot of heat. But it makes sense I guess."

"Why does it make sense?" 

"Look at the way our relationship started. No wonder we're having problems now. I'm just..." Keith trailed off. He didn't want to say the thing he's been saying mentally for the past three years they've been together. But the truth weighed heavy on his tongue and Dr. Echardt's silence pushed it over the edge. "I'm not good enough for Lance." 

Tears. He didn't even realize he was crying until his eyes started to sting. Dr. Echardt handed him a tissue and he dabbed his eyes. He quickly consoled himself and sat upright, fixing a steely expression on his face.

Dr. Echardt left her seat and sat on the couch with Keith. "Have you ever said this to Lance?" She asked.

Keith quickly shook his head. "God, no. He's nothing but patient and sweet and I just fucking ruin everything." Keith balled up the tissue in his hand. "I can't give him anything that he wants. I can't even give him... He won't be a father and I know he'd be such a great dad. You should see him with his little niece and nephew and all his little cousins."

"Do you think you'd be a great father?" 

"I don't know. It's a pointless question. It'll never happen." 

"But if it did?"

Keith smiled as another tear rolled down his cheek. He wiped his eyes. "If there was another little Lance in the world, I'd do my damn best to be a great father."

Dr. Echardt smiled at him and patted his back. "Keith, there's one thing I want you to know before we end your portion of our session today." She held his hand and didn't even flinch at his wet fingers. He was teary, snotty mess.

"Your loss is something completely outside of your control. Most of what I've heard so far, you place a lot of blame on yourself. You put Lance's happiness on yourself. Lance is responsible for his happiness and you are responsible for yours. No one else's. How long has it's been since you've lost your baby?"

"It's been a year." Keith said weakly. He didn't want to break in front of her.

"And you're still grieving. And with the release of tears and grief, it allows healing to ebb and flow. It won't be a once and done thing. But when the grief does hit you like a wave, don't fight against the current. Flow and let it carry out. Do you understand?" 

Keith sniffled. "I do."

Dr. Echardt grinned. "I believe in you two. You have a love for each other that's so plain to see. You'll both make it if you want to make it." 

"Thanks Dr. Echardt." Keith wiped his eyes again.

"It's my pleasure. I look forward to seeing you next week. I'm going to be calling Lance for his session now."

"Alright." Keith stood and felt strangely full yet empty at the same time. He left her office and saw Lance sitting in the wait area. He stood immediately upon seeing Keith and his bloodshot eyes. 

"Babe, what's wrong? You okay?" Lance cupped his face and Keith laughed.

"I'm fine. I'm fine." He released Lance's hands from his face. "It's your turn."

"Yeesh. That brutal, huh?" 

"It's needed."

"Well, for you. I'll do it." Lance kissed his hand and continued on to Dr. Echardt's office door. 

"Lance." Keith called and Lance turned. "I love you." He said barely above a whisper in case Nicole, the assistant, could hear him. Still, message was received.

Lance flashed him a huge smile. "I love you and always will." He said before entering the door.


	2. If Loving You Is Wrong, I Don't Want To Be Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance heads into his solo session for couples therapy. He's a little nervous though.

Lance jittered his leg as he sat on the couch. Dr. Echardt was taking her sweet time pouring a glass of water for herself, writing something down on a tablet, then turning her attention back to Lance. She smiled up at him and set the tablet aside.

"Welcome back. Were you able to get coffee?" She asked. She was being so very casual, leaned a bit over and Lance could see a little of the cleavage behind her dipped button-up. He quickly averted his eyes, choosing to look down at his hands instead.

"Uh, no. I... uh decided to stay out in the waiting room." He bit his lip. This woman was dangerous. If she could even make someone like Keith cry, she had to be some kind of wizard. And Lance knew he was emotional. And he also knew he had issues that he'd very much liked to keep packed and sealed away forever. He was there to talk about Keith and their failing relationship, nothing else.

"Are you alright?" Dr. Echardt asked. She leaned back in her chair and fixed the top of her shirt so it wouldn't dip so low. Slight panic warmed Lance's stomach. Did she see him staring? Shit. He didn't mean to. He wasn't - he's not even - 

"You seem a bit tense." Dr. Echardt punctured his unravelling. He looked up to see that still unwavering smile. She was beautiful. He'd be blind if he didn't at least acknowledge that. He assumed she was European given her last name, the slight indication in the way she spoke, and her slender face. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a low bun. It was like she stepped out of a secret fantasy for him. 

Lance closed his eyes. He was doing it again. "Shit." Lance muttered.

"I'm sorry?" Dr. Echardt asked. 

Lance willed his eyes opened and shook his head. "Sorry... I just..." He bit his lip again. "Can we talk about Keith now?" 

As reserved Dr. Echardt had been so far, he could tell she was a bit confused but yet journeyed on like a champ. "Of course." She folded her hands over her crossed leg. "Who's idea was it to get couple's therapy?"

"Keith's."

"And why do you think he'd do that?"

Lance rubbed the back of his head. "I don't know. Things have been off with us lately. Like... really off."

"Hmm." Dr. Echardt tilted her head to the side. "How long have you been together?"

"Roughly 3 years." Lance looked to the ceiling of the office as he thought back. "But really 2 years and 10 months." 

Dr. Echardt smiled. "Oh, so you'll be celebrating an anniversary soon? Do you have anything special planned?"

Lance's eyes widened and then he laughed it off. "Nothing special." He sat awkwardly in silence, ready for Dr. Echardt's next question. He could get through this revealing as little about himself while also helping his relationship with Keith.

But Dr. Echardt waited. She wasn't a fool. She could see right through Lance's wide grin and nervous laughter. She simply took a sip of water before looking back at him again. He wanted to be as obtuse as possible, but there was really no way around it. He had to allow this woman inside his mind if he wanted things to work with Keith. And god, did he want things to work again.

"To... to be honest, we don't really celebrate our anniversary."

"How come?" She asked without missing a beat. 

Lance sighed. "Because of me really. We didn't really begin our relationship the best way. I kinda...well, I cheated on my ex-girlfriend. And I felt like shit. I still feel like shit about it."

"And Keith is okay with not celebrating it?"

"Are you kidding?" Lance chuckled, but this time genuine. "Keith hates celebrations. He wouldn't even celebrate his birthday unless we made a big deal about it." 

"I see. Do you plan on never celebrating your anniversary?" It was a honest, non-provoking question, but it caused heat to rise on Lance's cheeks.

"Geez, I don't know. Who can see that far into the future?" Lance said and sunk back into the couch. He looked up the ceiling again. He hated feeling like he was about to be found out. Any moment, Dr. Echardt was going to keep digging and digging and digging until she found something repulsive inside of Lance. Something he wasn't yet ready to acknowledge because then it would be over. Over for him and everything he ever wanted with Keith.

"Lance?" Dr. Echardt called.

"Hmm?" He didn't look at her. His eyes still fixed up on the ceiling. 

"If Keith hadn't reached for help with your relationship, would you have?" She asked. 

"I don't know." He muttered with closed eyes. 

More silence, but it was starting to get a bit more comfortable. As if their conversation was settling over them like breath of fresh air, relaxing Lance's tense shoulders. 

"Lance, I'm going to ask a question and please, answer it however you'd like." Dr. Echardt said and he nodded for her to continue. "How would you define love?"

Lance lifted his head and looked to her again. He tilted his head to analyze what kind of game she was playing, but he had to stop. She wasn't playing any game. She was there to help them. That's all.

"I think love is..." Lance blew air through his mouth. "It's wanting someone? Wanting to be with them, wanting to live life with them, possibly? It's listening to them and showing them how much you care no matter what."

"It's that how you feel about Keith?" 

Lance nodded immediately. "I couldn't imagine loving anyone else besides Keith. We... we're just in a bad place right now, but it'll be okay." He said. He took a deep breath as if he needed to apply those words physically into himself.

"And... do you know when this bad place started?" Dr. Echardt asked.

Lance shut his eyes. Shit, they were nearing the sensitive issue. He knew exactly when it started, but for some reason the past year he'd been pretending as if he didn't. But this was for them and their future family. He needed to be open.

"It started a year ago actually... when we lost the baby." Lance wouldn't look her in the eyes. He fixated on the plaque on the wall displaying Dr. Echardt's credentials. "When we found out the Keith could carry, I was so happy. Keith was freaked out naturally." Lance chuckled. "But I was happy because we could have a child that's both him and me and they would be the most perfect child in world. In the universe."

Tears already started to prick at Lance's eyes. "Keith was only 5 weeks along and the baby started having complications. On Altea, they have some of the best medical technology in the universe. But even with the smartest minds, they couldn't help. Our sweet Baby Kogane-McClain died at 7 weeks." Full on tears streaked Lance's face, but his expression was still as stone. He didn't even realize Dr. Echardt was in front of him until he felt her putting tissues in his hands. "Thank you." He wiped his eyes.

"I couldn't imagine how that could have felt like." Dr. Echardt said as she returned to her chair.

"Helpless." Lance shrugged. He balled the used tissues in his hands, hopeful that his crying was over. "There was nothing I could do. I couldn't make Keith feel better and I tried. I tried to remind him how much of a wonderful person he was. I told him everyday how much I loved him, that he was beautiful, that he was the greatest thing in the universe, and then one day... he just... snapped."

\--

Groceries filled Lance's arms, but he still managed to fish his key out of his pocket. He unlocked the door to his apartment and closed it with his foot. 

"Babe, I'm home. And I bought pancake mix!" He shouted. He blindly made his way to the kitchen and dumped the bags of groceries on the counter. "Babe?" Lance called again. He knew Keith was home. His bike was parked out front. 

"Babe, where are you?" Lance neared towards the back of the apartment where their bedroom was. He could hear the news, audio set way louder than it should be, before he even opened the door.

The lights were off, blinds drawn, and on the bed, facing the window, Keith was lying down with the blankets over his head. Lance slowly opened the door wider and scanned the bed for the remote. The news was covering a homicide that happened the night before in Platt City. Keith definitely didn't need to hear about that. Lance shut the tv off yet Keith didn't even budge.

"Babe?" Lance rounded to the side of the bed and Keith was dazed, staring off to the closed window. Light from the sunset streamed through the blinds, landing on his blotchy face and red, rimmed eyes. But still, Lance thought he was the most beautiful person in the world. He kissed his forehead and knelt in front him. Keith didn't even look at him. 

"I bought pancake mix. We could make waffles. Did you know it was the same batter? Hunk told me. You'd think I'd already know this at 21 years old yet here we are." Lance tried to smile but Keith didn't even blink.

Lance sighed. He picked up a tissue and dabbed Keith's wet eyes. "You are beautiful, you know that? And so strong. So brave. So badass." Lance smiled but then stopped when Keith finally glared at him.

"Will you please...shut the hell up." Keith's voice croaked as if he hadn't used it all day.

Lance's eyes widened. "What?"

"Just...fucking be quiet. You talk so fucking much. It gives me a headache."

"Keith, I-"

"I'm not who you say I am, so you could stop fucking lying." 

Lance furrowed his brow. "Wait a second, why are you-"

"Just shut up!" Keith snatched the blankets from over his head. "What you say means nothing. Absolutely nothing!" Keith rose from the bed and Lance stayed on the floor, mouth agape, unsure where all of this was coming from. 

"It doesn't change shit!" Keith yelled and stomped out of the bedroom. Lance's brain finally clicked and his body finally decided to move. He scrambled to his feet and went after to Keith.

"Hold on a damn minute!" He shouted as he came out to the kitchen. Keith was placing on a jacket. "I know it doesn't change anything, but how am I the bad guy for reminding you that you are still you despite - "

"Oh my god!" Keith pounded a fist on the kitchen counter. "I don't care. I don't care what you think, Lance! It's bullshit. This is all bullshit." Keith ended with an abrupt sob and it nearly broke Lance's heart.

Lance walked up to him with arms out wide. "Babe, come on. Stop." He tried to soothe him, but Keith just pushed him away. 

"Stop! Will you fucking stop?" Keith grabbed his bike keys hanging by the front door. "Just leave me alone."

"Where are you going?" Lance tried to swipe the keys from him, but Keith was too fast. "Keith, stop! Listen to me!"

It fell on deaf ears. Keith held on to his keys, quickly ran out the apartment, and onto his bike before Lance could do anything about it. 

\--

Lance bit his lip. He'd used up all of his tissues, but thankfully Dr. Echardt had given him some more. He took a deep breath. "I made waffles anyway, expecting he was coming back home that night. He was gone for two days. He went to his brother, Shiro, during that time. We kept in touch and he let me know Keith was okay."

Dr. Echardt nodded. "And what happened once Keith returned home?"

"He wanted to forget it ever happened. And I did too. Things went somewhat back to normal. Keith wasn't depressed in our room anymore. But he threw himself into working with the Blades of Marmora again. And I started teaching at the Garrison. To be honest, we've been more like roommates than anything and I..." Lance paused. He didn't want to say it. 

"You what, Lance?"

"I miss him. I miss him laying on my lap when we watch movies. Or holding his hand. And... okay I don't want to sound like..." Lance fished around for the words, but Dr. Echardt assured him.

"Anything you say will not leave this room. You can be honest without judgment." She smiled to further her point.

"Okay, well... I miss having sex - making love to him." He corrected. "I probably sound like a horn-dog."

"Sex is a natural part of being human, especially with your partner. There's no shame with that."

Lance seemed to come alive and sat further up on the couch. "No, but you see, our sex was more than just... having sex. We really loved - love - each other. It was communication, trust, pleasure, but now... I don't know."

"How long has it been?"

"Way too long. At least 7 months. And I feel terrible because I want that with him. But if I see anyone remotely attractive, I fantasize but isn't that like cheating? And I don't want to do that. Not anymore. Not after Allura. I mean, I know she forgives me and we're friends again, but if I ever hurt Keith like that I wouldn't know what to do." 

Dr. Echardt was quiet for a moment too long and Lance immediately regretted opening his big mouth. He shouldn't have said anything. He was a terrible person for doing this and - 

"Have you asked Keith if he wanted to have sex again?"

"Um..." Lance nodded. "I have. But I know he still feels uncomfortable after losing our baby and I definitely wouldn't want to force him."

"Have you told him you've been feeling frustrated?" Dr. Echardt asked as if Lance wasn't a perverted cheater and that made no sense to him.

"No, again, I don't want to pressure him."

"I see."

"I'm sorry." Lance waved his hands in the air. "You don't think I'm disgusting? A dirty cheater? A horny bastard?"

"Do you think you are?" She asked. Man, she was good.

"Y-yeah. I think I am." Lance said. He drummed his fingers on the leather arm of the couch. "What do you think?"

Dr. Echardt lifted her mouth in a slight smile. "I think the way you show you love someone is by outward actions. You like physical touch. You like words of affirmation. You like to know you're doing a great job. And the fact that you and Keith have been so physically detached is putting a harsh strain on you. It's not a bad thing that you are seeking love in separate outlets because from the sounds of it, you are still very much devoted to Keith."

"I am." Lance confirmed. 

Dr. Echardt smiled. "It shows. The good that comes from this is that you are seeking the help now to love again, _to_ be loved again by Keith. And the road that you both are on now should end in a place where both of you are being fulfilled." 

"I hope so."

"Lance," Dr. Echardt said. "You care for Keith deeply and I just want to encourage you to continue displaying those outward signs of affection, as you see fit. You feel complete by making others feel good, am I right?"

Tears started to brim in Lance's eyes. He nodded.

"Then love on Keith. I can't speak for him, but it wouldn't be completely wrong to say that he doesn't feel your love. He's been through such a traumatic experience, the death of your child, and who knows what else. Even if it doesn't seem like it's helping, wait it out, gauge how he might be feeling, so then when the time comes for him to show he loves you again, it'll be like you never left."

Lance coughed to hide the sob trying to breach his throat. "Thank you, Dr. Echardt."

She nodded, handing him more tissues without question. "I know it's hard, but I believe in you two. You'll get there. Stay strong. And be honest with yourself and with him."

Lance dabbed his red eyes and blew out air. "Wow." He grinned. "Thanks, doc. I'll try my best."

Dr. Echardt smiled. "It's my pleasure." She checked her watch and sighed. "It looks like our time is up, but I so look forward to seeing both of you next week."

"Same here." Lance shook her hand and gave a light-hearted wave as he headed out the door.

Keith hadn't left the waiting area. He stood when he saw Lance and he grinned stupidly. 

"She got you, too?" Keith pointed to Lance's glossy eyes. 

"Damn, she's good. You picked a good one." Lance said. They walked out of the waiting area to the elevator. Lance pressed the button so they could head down. Keith lingered behind him, one hand in his pocket, the other scrolling his phone.

Keith looked up when he felt eyes on him. He smiled once he saw Lance's dopey grin. "What?"

Lance shrugged as the elevator dinged and opened up. "I just like looking at you."

Keith rolled his eyes. They stepped inside the elevator and the back wall had a glossy laminated covering. Keith went up to it to try to fix his low ponytail. "Yeah, right." He said. "I probably have like a piece of hair sticking up or something."

Lance chuckled. The doors closed and seeing Keith fuss at his warped reflection, Lance's heart felt so full for some reason. Without a word, Lance gently took Keith's hand and tugged him close to him.

Keith was surprised, but wasn't appalled at being so close to him. Lance took that as a green light. So softly, so sweetly, Lance cupped Keith's face and kissed him. It was long, and slow, and Keith's lips were a little chapped but he didn't care. 

They finally parted, but not without Lance giving two soft pecks on Keith's mouth. Still holding Keith's jaw in his hand, Lance whispered, "I love you so much. Don't ever forget it."

Keith was breathless. He only nodded his head stiffly just as the elevator doors opened. Still a little mush-brained, Lance took his hand and led them out the elevator before others tried to pile in. 

Lance knew Dr. Echardt said it was going to be hard to love Keith through this time, but moments like this, Keith made it just so damn easy.


	3. We're Seeing A Therapist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Echardt gives Keith and Lance homework

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this chapter. I hope you all enjoy it too!

"We're seeing a therapist."

Pidge looked up from her desk. Eyes wide, she pulled the goggles off her head. "Really?" She asked. 

Keith nodded his head. He picked up some metal tool from Pidge's work bench and mindlessly played with it in his hand. "For a couple weeks now."

"Oh." Pidge said. She slumped back in her chair. "I didn't know things were so bad." 

"It's not." Keith said quickly, but then thought it over. "Um, well, maybe? Things have just been off. We're trying to get back on track." Keith sat across from Pidge. He eyed the metal robot that Pidge was working on. It was almost as big as her. "What's this for?" 

Pidge's face lit as she turned on her prize achievement. "This is Chip!" She exclaimed. Warm green light filled up the robot's nooks and crannies as it came to life.

"Hello, Katie." It said. It turned its head to Keith. "What is your name?"

Keith smiled. "Wow, Pidge." Pidge shrugged her shoulders like it was no big deal, but he knew it definitely was. Keith looked to Chip. "My name is Keith. I'm a friend of Katie's." 

Chip lifted its cold metal hand. "It is a pleasure to meet you." It said. Keith shook its hand.

"How long have you been working on this?" Keith asked. 

Pidge shut down the robot and opened its back panel. "Since the end of the war actually. Matt and I designed the concept together. But there's so many moving parts, it's hard to get him fully functioning. The idea is to have a portable, fully capable A.I." Pidge grinned when she looked up to him. "Of course, you would have known that if you came to visit at least once the past three years."

"I'm sorry." Keith muttered. "I was... preoccupied."

"With Lance." Pidge answered. Her goggles were placed back over her head and she was face deep in the robot's back, connecting and fixing wires. 

"Right." Keith said. He sighed as he glanced all around Pidge's workroom. It was no surprise it was as messy as her old room back on the Castle of Lions. She had a great deal with the Garrison. She could create and design as much as she wanted and the Garrison would give her the grants with no issue. After all, the world was pretty much indebted to the paladins of Voltron and everyone else who stood on the frontlines during the war. 

They even offered Keith a role as a commander. He turned it down. Just like how he turned down being the leader of the Blades. It wasn't his style. At least, he didn't think so. 

"So, what brings you all the way here?" Pidge asked after a bout of silence.

"I wanted to spend time with you." He said. Pidge raised her brow and looked up to him. "What?" He chuckled.

"You aren't the 'quality time' type of person." She said. "Spill it."

Keith groaned. He might as well be truthful. "Dr. Echardt... our therapist. She encouraged us to meet with some friends outside of each other. She thought it would be good to take some time to ourselves."

Pidge laughed. "Oh, I see. I'm homework. Got it."

"No, that's not - "

"Keith." Pidge stopped him and smiled. "It's okay. I get it, really. I kinda missed being around the emo loner of the group."

Keith pouted. "I'm not emo."

"And also... I'm sorry about you and Lance." Her voice waxed soft. "I hope you guys work it out. I mean, I always thought you two would never have issues. Your constant fighting was so obvious that you two wanted to bone." She laughed when Keith rolled his eyes. 

"I guess." Keith held back a little smile. He remembered those days. The annoyance was real. He couldn't stand Lance, but he realized that Lance was the only one who made him crazy like that. Lance still makes him crazy, but it's different now. He couldn't really put his finger on how, though.

Pidge picked up Chip and placed him in a clear pod. Keith moved to help her, but she didn't want him touching her 'precious baby'. She settled Chip in and hooked up a wire to its head. 

"Well, since you came all this way, I doubt you'd want to be crammed in here. Let's go have some fun!" She shed her lab coat and Keith realized how much Pidge had grown. She developed softer edges and even gotten a little taller. She opted to keep her hair cut short which added years to her face. She wasn't a little kid anymore.

Keith thought she grew to be a beautiful girl. So when he spoke, he did it with a smile. "What do you have in mind?" 

Pidge's face brightened with excitement. "Let's find out what Hunk's doing today." 

\--

"We're seeing a therapist." Lance said. He squeezed sunscreen into the palm of his hands then slapped it over his legs and arms. 

"Oh..." Rachel said besides him. She held her newborn baby girl in one arm while helping Lance slather sunscreen on his back with the other. She made a face that he couldn't see. "That's terrible, Lance."

Lance shrugged and laid down on the towel. "It's not that bad. I mean, we're trying. That counts for something, right?" Lance looked over to Rachel. She had her long brown hair braided down her back and silver sunglasses blocking her blue eyes. 

"I guess?" She tried to offer. "But you and Keith are meant to be together. At least I think so. Every relationship has its problems. Josian and I had our problems." 

Lance chuckled. "You guys broke up! Terrible example." He shook his head and Rachel smiled. She laid her daughter on Lance's bare chest and he held her.

"Yeah, but I got the most precious gift out of that relationship." Rachel rubbed her daughter's back. "You have to take the good with the bad, Lancey." 

Lance glanced down to his sleeping niece and his heart swelled. Her dark cheeks flushed pink and her eyes closed, fanning her curly eyelashes. "She's the cutest thing..." He whispered. He didn't want to wake her up. He pictured holding a daughter of his own, her hair probably a little darker than his niece. His daughter could possibly have Keith's dark purple eyes, that would be amazing. But truthfully, he didn't care she looked like, he'd love her unlike anyone else... the way he loved Keith.

"So, how is therapy going?" Rachel asked. She was busy rubbing sunscreen on herself then joining Lance on the beach towel beside him. They were shrouded under a large umbrella and a cool breeze flowed over them. Lance gently rubbed his niece's curly hair against her head and she shivered.

"It's been a few weeks. We're working on openly communicating and trying to do activities outside of our relationship." Lance recited and he turned his head to Rachel. She removed her sunglasses and it was like his own face staring back at him. "What?"

"That's just really mature of you. I'm surprised." She said. 

"You don't think I can be mature?" 

Rachel laughed and shook her head. "No, that's not it. I know the war has made you grow up a lot. I think it made us all grow up. Sometimes I think about what a normal 21-year-old usually goes through and compare it to my life. I mean when that alien dictator took over Earth, what was his name? Sendick?"

Lance laughed a little too loud and his niece stirred. He quieted down. "His name was Sendak...but he _was_ a huge dick."

"Oh." Rachel smiled. "Well, we were so scared, Lance. I know you were off fighting and everything but we didn't even know aliens existed. And suddenly they were destroying our planet? I think that's kinda why I sped up my relationship with Josian. I thought we were running out of time. Life isn't promised, you know?"

Lance nodded. "Yeah, I definitely know." 

"I thought he was the one. I wanted to create a family with him and we tried. We went through hell and back during that time _Sendak_ was taking over. So even after the war was won, we tried to stay together. I was even an idiot thinking a baby would make him stay. But sometimes, that isn't enough."

As Rachel spoke, he couldn't help but put himself in her position. If Rachel was talking about hell and back, he and Keith had definitely went through it times ten. Not to discredit what she had went through, but Lance started to question himself. The topic of shared trauma. Dr. Echardt touched on it briefly during one of their sessions and to be honest, Lance had been terrified if they ever would revisit it. He knew they'd been through a lot, but it didn't mean he and Keith didn't have something deeper than that. He was sure they did.

"...what I'm trying to say..." Rachel said softly. "...is that I think even if we'd done therapy, we wouldn't have made it. And the simple fact that couples therapy wasn't even on our mind is proof that we didn't even think the relationship was worth saving. But you guys are seeking help which kinda says something, doesn't it?"

"It was Keith's idea, though. I mean, think about it, Rach. We didn't grow up with the idea of therapy. Mami and Papi never talked about it. They never been to therapy and they've been married for years _and_ they had five kids. I just want that old ass love like they do. Why is it so hard?" Lance started to tear up and Rachel nestled closer to him. She wrapped her arm around him, resting her hand on her daughter's back.

"Love is hard, but it isn't hopeless. Remember that." Rachel said.

\--

Keith wasn't sure what Hunk had said to Pidge over the phone. She called him and he just said to meet them at some location in Platt City. He thought maybe they'd show up at some restaurant or some science thing. He wouldn't have mind as long as they were spending time together. 

He didn't expect them to stop in front of a laser tag place. Keith laughed when they pulled up. He glanced over to Pidge who lifted her hands in surrender. 

"Hey, it was Hunk's idea." She smiled. 

As soon as Keith stepped out of the cruiser, he felt large strong arms lift him into the air.

"Keith!" Hunk cried and hugged him tight. Keith could barely breathe. "Oh, I missed you, buddy!"

"...Hunk?" Keith croaked and Hunk took that as a sign to let him go. 

"Sorry, sorry. It's just been so long. I nearly forgot what you looked like." Hunk patted him on the back.

"Good to see you too, Hunk." Keith coughed out.

Hunk smiled bright once Pidge rounded from the driver's side of the car. "Hey! Pidgeon! Look at you, driving a car. Sweet." He gave her a high five.

"Hunk, I've piloted a gigantic green robotic lion from space. I don't think driving a car is that special." She laughed and he shrugged.

"Still amazing in my book."

"So, Hunk." Keith interrupted their banter. "Why laser tag?"

"So, I thought you'd want to do something physical and fun. It's a little dated, sure, but this place has a super cool set that looks like a Galra cruiser!" Hunk shared. He looped his arms with Keith and Pidge. "Come on!"

"Oh great, this won't bring PTSD at all." Pidge muttered and Keith laughed.

It didn't take a long time until the three of them were set up with vests and equipped with shoddy laser guns. As Keith was placing on faded goggles, a group of new participants entered the chamber. They were a group of teenagers, loud and clumsily fiddling through vests and equipment. Keith raised his brow to Hunk and Pidge and it was like a Voltron linked them for a moment. They were gonna tear their asses up. 

Once everyone got their equipment, the chamber opened and the horde of teenagers quickly emptied out. Pidge held Keith's arm back and pulled Hunk back by his shirt.

"Wait." She whispered. She glanced around to make sure none of the kids heard her. "Here." She gave them both earpieces. They were confused, but still took them and placed them in their ears.

"Why?" Keith asked.

"I'll take the high ground. I'll be your eyes." She smiled.

"Isn't this cheating?" Hunk looked nervous.

"Yeah, but it's fun." Pidge said and shrugged. 

Keith grinned. "I'm with Pidge. Hunk, you in? You can be on the ground with me. It'll be like old times."

"Right, without the constant threat of death and the destruction of the universe." Hunk said.

"Right." Pidge and Keith nodded in unison.

A sudden beep sounded and Keith glanced down to his vest. It was glowing red. "One of those little fuckers shot me!"

"Ha! I got one of the geezers!" They heard a voice shout before disappearing in the purple lit hallway. 

"Geezer?" Hunk asked. "I don't get it. We aren't even old. Pidge is 19." 

"Alright, guys." Keith waved his laser gun as if it were his bayard. He grinned wide. God, he kinda missed this. "Let's do this."

\--

Lance helped Rachel bring in all of the baby's bags, the beach towels, and their cooler. His parents' house was always freezing, summer or winter, because his mom insisted on keeping everything cold. Although, the blast of a.c. was a welcomed treat when they got inside. Lance's older brother, Marco, was on the couch when they came, flipping through channels on the tv.

"Twins are home!" He called to the back of the house. 

"Hey, we have names." Lance said. 

"Right," Marco pointed to Lance then to Rachel. " _El flaco y la coneja."_

"Hey." Lance and Rachel shouted in unison and Marco howled in laughter. Rachel covered her mouth. "I don't have big teeth anymore!" She pouted.

"Marco!" Lance's mom, Alejandrina, came into the living room and swatted him on the arm. "I heard that."

"Sorry, Mami." Marco said, sounding very unapologetic. He scooted over so Lance could sit down next to him. Alejandrina picked up the baby from the Rachel's arms and swooned. 

" _Mi muñeca._ How was your day at the beach?" She asked the baby, but Rachel answered, her hand still covering her mouth. 

"We had fun. We just laid on the sand for a while."

"Explains the dark skin." Marco noted Lance's bronzed arms. "Did you get burned? Huh?" Marco slapped Lance's arm and he howled in pain.

"That's it!" Lance said and jumped on Marco. They rolled over the couch, Marco laughing wildly and Lance trying to pin him down. "I'll show you _f_ _laco."_

"Lance!" Alejandrina called and the boys immediately stopped. "Stop playing around. Papi wanted to see you before you when back home. He's in the shed. Go." She nodded her head to towards the back of the house in case Lance forgot where to go.

Lance grunted when he pried himself off the couch. He gave his mom a kiss then his niece before he went back to see his father.

He wasn't scared. His father loved him and protected his family especially during the war. His father was proud of him, he even said as much. But lately, he's been feeling off whenever he came around...well, not lately. The last three years. Right around the time he and Keith went public. His family was accepting and loved that they were together. His father? He came from a different time... a different set of morals. They never had a talk about it, but he knew his father was uncomfortable with it despite him saying otherwise. 

So now, every time he's beckoned by him, he's fearing the reprimand that was sure to come. 

Lance went to the back shed and his father was sitting by the front door, smoking a cigar and listening to a game on the radio. Lance's mother hated when he smoked in the house so this was the only place he could relax. Also, the radio? Lance and his siblings always made fun of their father loving his old traditionalist ways. They had a huge tv in the house. They even bought their father a brand new tv to put in the shed for him to watch his games in solitude. But he always opted to listen to the radio.

" _Hola Papi."_ Lance greeted him and he nodded. Lance took a seat beside him and held his breath. Lance didn't really care for cigar smoke and inhaling it so close caused him to cough. 

"Sorry." His father said and switch the cigar to the other hand, away from Lance's face. "Did you enjoy your beach day with Rachel?" 

"Yeah. We haven't hung out in a while." Lance said. 

"Yeah, you've been gone." His father said simply. 

Lance felt so small in his chair. He swatted a bug from nipping at his ankle. "Yeah, sorry. I've been busy with the Garrison. Finals are coming up for the students so... all hands on deck." Lance laughed weakly and his father looked over to him. "Sorry, nautical joke. Probably doesn't even fit-"

"How's Keith?" His father asked thickly. He didn't even look over to Lance when he asked. 

Lance sighed. "Good." He said. It was his initial response. Then he stopped to think for a moment. "Papi, have you ever had therapy?" Lance asked and his father finally looked over to him. A few months ago, Lance could hardly see the gray hairs in his father's mustache and his hairline, but now it's all he can see.

"Therapy?" 

"Yeah, like couples therapy. With Mami? To, you know, make your relationship better?" 

His father took a moment to think and took a puff of his cigar. "No. Why?"

Lance swallowed. "Keith and I are in couples therapy. We've been having...issues."

"Couples therapy? You aren't married." 

"I know. But we'd like to someday, I think."

"You think?"

"You can have couples therapy without being married, Papi."

"Hmm." His father sat silent for a moment. Lance sunk back in his chair. He didn't even know why he even asked. He should have just asked his mom. They probably would've had a way better conversation.

"I'm sorry." His father said. Lance's eyes widened. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"You're what?"

His father sighed and shook his head at him. "Don't make me repeat it."

"I just... never thought. I didn't think you could do that." Lance grinned and his father smirked. "Does Mami know? This is groundbreaking."

"Okay, okay, _cálmate."_ His father chuckled and they settled into a bit of silence.

Lance looked to him. "Not that I'm not grateful, but... why are you sorry?"

"Mami told me about what happened with Keith. He was pregnant?" He phrased his question around a disgusted face then quickly shook it. "Is that right?"

Lance nodded. "Yeah. He's half Galra and they can conceive... but we lost the baby and it's been hard. It's what kinda hurt our relationship."

"I don't understand all this alien and boy liking another boy-"

"It's love, Papi. I love him." Lance corrected and his father nodded.

"Right... but I can guess how you're feeling. Mami and I went through the same thing."

"Mami had a miscarriage?" Lance asked.

"Yes... it was before Luis... before we were married."

Lance's eyes widened and he scoffed. He couldn't believe this. "After all the shi- stuff you yelled to Rachel about having a baby before marriage. You two did the same thing!" 

"Lance." His father said sternly and it shut Lance up from going even further. "You need to understand that being a parent means you want the best for your kids. You don't want them repeating your same mistakes. Rachel is a single mother now and it kills me to see her struggle. You and Keith had a miscarriage and now you need therapy. You're making these choices and you don't know what it means to be a parent. You're too young."

"Those are _our_ choices, though." Lance struggled to keep his voice from raising. "Rachel isn't just a single mom. She's a painter. A damn good one, too. She's my sister, your daughter. It isn't the end of the world for her and if you just spent time with her, you'd see that."

"And you know what's best for yourself at 21-years-old?" His father asked. "How do you know you aren't ruining your life by going after this boy? It's been three years and you aren't even married yet and you're already having issues."

Lance's anger was beginning to boil. He rose from the chair and spoke deliberately. "That's why we're in therapy. We're trying to figure ourselves out."

"It might be a dying ship." His father said and Lance was so angry that he didn't even laugh at his misuse of the word.

"It's _sinking_ ship. And no, it isn't." Lance turned to leave.

"I didn't say you could leave!" His father called and it sent chills up his spine. That innate fear caused him to hover for a moment, but he realized that if he stayed, it wouldn't turn out well for either of them. He needed to leave.

"I'm sorry, Papi. I gotta go." He said before heading back to the house.

His mother noticed his glossy eyes when he walked back into the house. "Lance, _que paso?"_

"Nothing. I'm going." Lance grabbed his keys. He didn't even stop to do his usual goodbyes to everyone in the house. He just needed to cool down and forget that conversation ever happened.

\--

They didn't hold back. No mercy. Hunk's count was 43 hits. Keith's was 118. It had been a while since Keith laughed full heartedly. Granted, he was laughing at the dejected teenagers when he would hit them back-to-back. He laughed at their cries and whenever he heard them shouting amongst themselves, "That guy fucking shot me again!"

"Where'd he go?"

"I don't know, he's like a frickin' ninja!"

Pidge was a great help. Although she's grown a little taller, she still was small enough to tuck herself up in the rafters and she had a full view of the playing ground. Those poor teenagers didn't even know what hit them. 

The game was finally over and they piled out into the chamber to put their equipment back. Keith's back was soaked with sweat when he removed his vest. It caught the eye of one of the teenagers. It was a young boy with long back hair, similar to his. 

"Ew..." He said, loud enough for Keith to hear then he paused. "Wait a minute!" He shouted. The boy scanned over Keith then to Hunk and Pidge. "You guys, you're... you're the people..." He snapped his fingers, trying to find the words.

One of his friends came up behind him and her eyes widened. "You guys are Voltron! The heroes of Earth!"

"That's it!" The boy said. More of the teenagers piled around them. "Hey, that's no fair. You guys are like skilled fighters. You destroyed us!"

Keith grinned. "Yeah it was fun."

"Just to be clear, I didn't want to do it." Hunk voiced up and Pidge shook her head.

"Hey," one of the kids tugged on Keith's sleeve. "You're the guy who killed Sendak."

A collection of whoa's waved through their group. Suddenly, a million questions overlapped one another and they pressed closer to them. Keith could feel his walls closing up, but thankfully Hunk stepped in. 

"Alright, alright... how about this, why don't we step outside and we could take a big selfie?" 

The kids immediately loved that idea and hurried to go outside. Keith took a deep breath.

"Thanks, Hunk." Keith said.

Hunk shrugged. "I learned with fame, you can easily shut people up with a picture."

"Smart." Pidge said. "Let's hurry up before they riot."

They met the group of kids outside and they learned that some of them were actually cadets from the Garrison. One group selfie turned into wanting individual selfies and as much as Keith tried to weasel out of it, he was stuck making the same smirked, slightly pained expression, picture after picture. Finally, the last kid came to him for a picture. It was a young girl with a nose ring and curly brown hair. She beamed when she stood next to Keith. 

"Alright, let's do this." Keith said and braved a happy face. The girl snapped a picture then looked over to him. Her mouth twisted like she had something to say. "Are you okay?" Keith asked.

"Um..." She glanced back to her group of friends all talking with Pidge and Hunk. Seeing that no one was listening, she turned back to Keith. "I just want to thank you." She said in a low tone. 

Keith was confused. Why would she be so embarrassed about thanking him? He'd heard it all before. People would just randomly thank him for saving the universe, for killing Sendak, for being a hero. It was nothing to turn red over.

"Oh, sure. Being a paladin is its own great reward-"

"No, not that." She said then paused when she noticed how it sounded. "I mean, no, thank you saving the world too. But I mean, thank you for being you." She held her phone close to her body and she kept her eyes on the ground, but Keith could still see the red tinting all the way to her ears.

"For being me?" Keith still didn't follow.

"The blue paladin." The girl said plainly. "You two are dating right?"

Oh. "Yeah, we are." Keith said.

"And... I know the media bashed you guys a lot in the beginning because Lance used to date Princess Allura and people like shipped them instead of you guys, it must have been hurtful..." The girl started to ramble, but she looked up when she felt like she said too much. She sighed. "But I'm glad you guys are still together despite what people think. It shows me that even messy beginnings can have beautiful endings." 

Her words tugged at Keith's throat but he kept it together. He smiled back at her and she thought that was a great opportunity to steal a hug before flocking back over to her friends. 

"Whoa, a hug?" Pidge asked as she walked over. She saw the whole thing.

The horde of teenagers started walking away, waving goodbye and Hunk was waving back.

"Goodbye! Make good choices!" Hunk shouted. He sighed when he rejoined Keith and Pidge. "What good kids."

"Yeah, they are." Keith muttered with a lovesick grin on his face. Pidge nudged him.

"What happened? That girl hugged you out of nowhere. You never hug. You don't even hug me." She said.

"She said something...that I kinda needed to hear." Keith said and he kept it at that.

Hunk's goodbye was teary and as crushing as his hello and he made Keith promise that it wouldn't be another couple months before they all hung out together again. Keith and Pidge got back into the cruiser and Pidge sighed.

"You want me to drop you off at the train station?" She asked. Keith nodded, staring out the window the whole ride there. It was silent, but it felt comfortable. It was one of the things he appreciated about Pidge. She didn't need to fill the silence with fluff. She left him to his thoughts right until they reached the train station. 

The car pulled to a stop and Pidge cut the engine. "So, you completed your homework?" She asked. 

Keith broke out of his daze and furrowed his brow. "Pidge, I didn't mean-"

Pidge laughed again. "I'm joking, Keith. Geez. I thought today would've at least loosened you up a little."

The corner of Keith's mouth lifted in a smile. "It did..."

"But?" She pried.

"I kinda missed Lance today. For one, he loves laser tag and he's probably gonna have a fit that we went without him. But also, I just... I don't know."

"I do." Pidge said matter-of-factly. She turned her visor down and was staring in the mirror. Keith watched her put pink gloss on her lips and added some mascara to her eyes. "You love him. That's good. That means he's not just your boyfriend, he's your friend."

"Hmm..." Keith pondered on what she said, but also at the way she fluffed her short hair out to her liking. "When did you start wearing makeup? And...why are you doing it now?"

Pidge only smirked and Keith laughed. "What? You have a date or something?"

Pidge grinned even wider. Keith's eyes shot open. "You have a date?"

She nodded. "It's new. We've only been on a couple dates. It's a guy from the Garrison." 

"Oh my god, Pidge! This is amazing." Keith grinned like the happiest older brother. And just like an older brother, he instantly grilled her. "Who is he? What department does he work? Where was he during the war?"

Pidge laughed. "Geez, relax!" She closed the visor. "I'm not spilling just yet. I'm waiting."

"Waiting for what?"

"Waiting to see if he's worth it. I want the guy I tell my family and friends about to mean something. Not some random guy." 

Keith fought the urge to call Shiro and ask him about every recruit to the Garrison, but he eased up. He trusted Pidge. Hell, if it wasn't for her, he'd be dead ten times over. She was mature enough to navigate the issues of love. And even if she didn't she'll learn. Just like how he and Lance were learning. And how they'll probably always be learning. 

"You want to hear something weird?" Pidge asked. Suddenly her voice sounded a lot softer than normal. Keith nodded for her to continue. "This might be weird, but... do you remember the first Altea Independence Day? And after the big celebration on Altea, Allura invited us to stay at the castle?"

"Yeah of course." Keith remembered it fondly. "You guys decided to do a movie marathon sleepover. It was the first one I ever done."

"Right." Pidge chuckled. "But towards the end of the night, Shiro went back to his room, Allura and Coran went to bed, too, so it was just us four. Me, you, Lance, and Hunk."

"Yeah?" 

"Everyone had fallen asleep in the movie room so we crashed, right?" Pidge asked and Keith confirmed with another nod. "Anyway," she continued, "I woke up in the middle of the night. I fell asleep on Hunk, but you and Lance... you fell asleep laying on his shoulder. Lance was still up, scrolling through his phone or something, but he was running his hand through your hair."

Keith's eyes widened. "Really? I never knew..."

"I know Lance was still dating Allura, but we all knew that you two loved each other a long time ago... and that moment... it's so weird but it always stuck with me. It reminded me something of my parents. A real...thoughtless kind of love?" Pidge thinned her lip into a line and then she scoffed. "Well, I know it's weird, but when I think about the guy I want to bring home, I think about that moment between you two for some reason."

Keith didn't know what to say. It was true. He and Lance had danced around one another for way too long. But he couldn't help but wonder what other moments like that he wasn't privy to. 

"It's not weird. I promise." Keith smiled. "Thanks for sharing that. It's just weird because you were really against us in the beginning-"

"Yeah no duh." Pidge said quickly. "You fucking cheated and hurt Allura." She sighed to roll her anger back. "But... that doesn't mean you two shouldn't work things out. I'm rooting for you guys, even with the way you started out."

It felt like a hug moment. Keith leaned over and Pidge froze up. "What are you doing? What are you doing?" She asked but was still met with Keith's embrace. She laughed. "Wow, you really are changing."

"I'm trying." Keith chuckled. He released her and opened his door. "Today was fun. We should do it again."

"Of course." Pidge smiled back.

"Have fun on your date!" Keith called and Pidge groaned. The doors shut and she stuck up her middle finger. She drove off and Keith grinned, watching her speed off. 

\--

Lance took a cold shower. He needed it after a long ride back from his parents' house. Also, he wanted to rinse the heated conversation with his father from his mind. The apartment was empty, which was weird. He thought Keith would be home by now. He slipped on his tank and boxers. He decided to lay down on the couch and watch tv until Keith came home. 

The Voltron show caught his eye on the screen. He never fully watched the series. It made him uncomfortable how _wrong_ the writers made everything. Especially the love story between Keith and Allura. That was a huge nightmare for him.

Lance was starting to doze off when he heard the front door open. He didn't even look up when Keith strolled inside looking like the day beat him up. Keith paused when he saw Lance watching the Voltron show and he chuckled.

"I can't believe you're watching this." Keith said. He moved to the kitchen, feeling like eating something sweet. 

"I can't seem to turn it off. It's so bad it's good. Like reality tv." Lance yawned and stretched out on the couch. He could probably go to bed now that Keith was home. "How was your day with Pidge?"

"It was fun." Keith said. He leaned over the island in the kitchen. He found frozen yogurt and was eating it out of the tub. "We did laser tag with Hunk." He said over a mouthful of frozen yogurt.

"Laser tag? Hunk?" Lance sat up straight on the couch. "That's so fun! You all did that without me?" He pouted, but when he looked into the kitchen he growled. "And are you eating my ice cream?" 

Keith laughed and hid it behind his back. "No."

"Damn you." Lance just gave up. He fell back on the couch, resting his arm over his eyes. "Just eat it. I don't care."

Keith frowned, feeling a little bad now. He came into the living room and crouched down to where Lance laid on the couch. "Your day with Rachel didn't go well?"

"No, it did. We went to the beach. I held Kasiana all day. She's so tiny and cute." Lance said and Keith bit his lip, feeling a twinge of guilt but he just let it go. 

"So, what's wrong?"

"My dad. I don't think he'll ever change." Lance muttered. His arm still rested over his eyes and Keith stared at him. He gently pulled his arm away from his face and Lance lolled his head over. They stared at each other for a moment. Keith definitely noticed how Lance got a little darker. Little freckles sometimes sprouted around his cheeks and his shoulders if he'd been in the sun for a long time.

"Hey..." Keith whispered. He held Lance's jaw in his hands. "I missed you today."

Immediately, Lance's face lit up. He grinned, showing all his teeth. "Really?"

"Yeah..." Keith stared down his body. Lance was so beautiful sometimes it made him speechless. Instead of telling him this, Keith decided to be an ass. "It was laser tag. We needed a sniper."

Keith laughed when Lance deadpanned. "Oh, you asshole!" Lance pulled Keith onto the couch with him and Keith didn't fight it. Their giggles subsided and Keith rested on Lance's chest. He sighed hearing Lance's heartbeat. He really missed him. Keith took a deep breath and could smell his coconut body wash. 

He didn't really think about it. Keith pressed a gentle kiss on Lance's chest. 

"Did...did you just kiss my shirt?" Lance asked. He chuckled and Keith could feel the vibrations against his head. 

Keith lifted his head and looked Lance in the eyes. "Maybe? What about it?" He grinned.

"Well," Lance lifted his eyebrows. "I'd say aim a little higher..." 

Keith hummed through a flirty smile. "Oh really?" He pulled himself up to reach Lance's lips.

"Or lower? If you'd prefer..." Lance said and wiggled his eyebrows.

Keith laughed. "Oh, wow. Subtle." 

Lance closed their kiss. He could feel Keith's smile through it and it was the best fucking thing out of his entire day. He slipped his hand up from holding Keith's waist and into his hair. Keith actually moaned and opened his mouth, allowing Lance to do as he pleased. With each gentle tug of Keith's hair, Keith was getting more antsy. He was no longer lounging on top of Lance's body. He was straddled over his hips, clinging to Lance's tank like his life depended on it.

Lance's lips broke from Keith and found a home at his neck, his hands still had a grip tangled in his hair. Keith felt hot. Really hot. He started to grind down when he felt Lance through his boxers.

Lance on the other hand was completely light-headed. He was dazed on Keith, his eyes lidded enough to be lost, but still aware enough to see Keith's perfect, rose flushed cheeks. This might be it. This might be the time. Lance went for it.

He fumbled with the hem of Keith's shirt for a moment before slowly raising it up. 

And as quickly as it happened, it was over. 

Keith snapped up and out of breath. "Shit...sorry..." He muttered. His hands were shaking.

"Babe, what's wrong?" Lance asked, but he already knew. He tried to ignore the boner that so obviously between them.

Tears glossed over Keith's eyes. "I'm sorry..." He whispered. "I can't..." Keith moved to get off of Lance, but Lance stopped him.

"No, babe. Come here." Lance shushed him and directed him back over. Keith laid down on Lance's chest again. "We don't have to do anything, okay?" Lance rubbed soothing circles on Keith's back. He started to card his fingers through Keith's hair and it wasn't as intense as before. It was slow, soft, and relaxing. Keith let out a few tears before easing into Lance's body, feeling like they were fused into one on the couch.

They stayed there for a while, the tv had went to sleep. Lance was sure Keith had fallen asleep until he spoke in a sleepy voice.

"Did you know Pidge is dating someone?" Keith asked.

Lance laughed, his chest shaking again. "Really? I had no idea. I thought she was married to science."

"I know. It's... some guy from the Garrison."

"Garrison, eh?" Lance questioned. Keith felt Lance squirm underneath him until he found his phone. Keith settled back down on his chest and Lance continued raking his fingers through his hair. "I'm going to try to find him."

"Mmm... no." Keith said under the spell of Lance's fingers. "She doesn't want anyone to know."

"Shh." Lance whispered. Keith could feel himself being ushered to sleep. "Just go to sleep. I'll find him."

Keith's phone suddenly binged on the kitchen island and he lifted his head. But Lance laid him back down. "It can wait, babe. Just go to sleep. I got you." Keith really didn't want to get it up. And it being this late at night, he knew it had to be work. But he didn't want to think about the Blades, he didn't want to think about anything at the moment.

So he fell asleep under the soft glow from Lance's phone and Lance's soft, deft fingers making a gentle lullaby through his hair. 


	4. Promise Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Lance make a promise.  
> also warnings; sexual content. I'll do *asterisks* around the scene if you wanna skip those parts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hey... sorry it's been a couple months. 2020 is really kicking everyone's ass. Lots of family, work, and home issues and a close friend of mine passed away. Please keep me in y'all thoughts. Writing is my own form of healing so I hope you enjoy the process :)

Back in Dr. Echardt's office, Lance felt he was becoming more and more comfortable to share his life. It showed in the way he relaxed on the brown leather couch, how his legs crossed and he could even give Dr. Echardt eye contact for more than three seconds. Well, what happened over the course of the last week helped eased his sexual frustration. 

"We had sex." Lance blurted before Dr. Echardt could even ask her first question. 

The abruptness made her chuckle but she kept her stiff professionalism. "That's great." She smiled. "I remember you mentioning that was a frustration for you in past sessions."

"I know. It was." Lance nodded. He wiped his damp palms on his jeans. He didn't realize how nervous he was speaking about this. 

Dr. Echardt settled into the conversation and crossed her legs, giving Lance her fullest attention. "If you don't mind me asking, who initiated it?"

"Keith did... actually." Lance bit his lip like he wanted to say more, but he decided to keep quiet. He could see how Dr. Echardt analyzed him in that soft way she usually did. She didn't speak for a moment and Lance started to feel squirmish.

"Do you know what changed?" She asked. Lance was quiet. He had come in feeling pretty good, but he knew it wouldn't last for long. He knew he'd have to talk about it sooner or later.

"Yeah, I do... It's the reason why Keith won't be in our sessions anymore. He left." Lance lowered his head to avoid Dr. Echardt's confused gaze. Before she could ask any questions, Lance sputtered out, "He'll be back though!"

"Oh." Dr. Echardt sighed. "Would you like to tell me what happened this past week?"

Lance folded his legs up on the couch and got himself comfortable. "...yeah."

\--------

FIVE DAYS EARLIER

In their apartment, specifically the kitchen, things were an absolute mess. On the stove, two pots of boiling water were nearing evaporation. In the oven, a loaf of bread was beginning to get a little too golden brown and Keith was on the other side of the island panic dialing Shay's number. 

Keith's tablet awoke with Shay's face on the other side and she chuckled at Keith's face. "Keith, are you alright? What's with your face?"

"Shay, thank goodness. I was trying to get a hold of Hunk but -"

"Hunk is sleeping." Shay interrupted in a whisper. Wherever she was laying was dark. She suddenly got up and walked until Keith could see blue light in the background. She was wearing pajamas. "You realize there's a thing called time dilation?"

"Right, sorry." Keith suddenly felt terrible. "I just needed some cooking help. I wanted to surprise Lance with an anniversary dinner before he came home, but it's gone to shit."

Shay laughed and covered her mouth in an adorable way. "That's so sweet, Keith. Sorry. I would wake Hunk but he needs his rest. We're on our way to Altea for the -"

"Yeah, I know." Keith cut her off. "I...I'm actually going there too." He said sadly. Shay caught onto his worried face.

"Oh, Keith. How did Lance take it?" She asked. 

Keith sighed and looked around the kitchen. He hurried to turn off the stove and the oven before a fire broke out. "Well..." He said into the tablet. "I'm going to tell him tonight. That's why I wanted to make this special dinner and it's almost our anniversary so..."

"I see." Shay said. "I'm sorry. I wish I could help. Well..." She tried to make herself more awake and grinned into the camera. "I'm here. I'm not Hunk, and I just do what he tells me. But I can try to help you?"

Keith smiled at her. "No, it's fine. I'll figure something out." He paused when he heard the front door opening. "Oh shit, that's him. Why's he here so early?" Keith scrambled to move the hot pots from the stove. 

"Okay, well, goodnight Keith! I'll see you soon!" He heard Shay's disembodied voice from the tablet.

"See you soon, Shay!" Keith called and he heard the call drop just as Lance came in through the door. "Shit." Keith dropped the pot into the sink and just froze, leaning on the counter. He gave up.

"Hey babe." Lance called, but when walked into the kitchen, he struggled to keep a grin back seeing the whole sight. Especially seeing Keith in the jean apron that Lance usually wore. "What..."

"I wanted to surprise you." Keith shrugged. Lance smirked and tilted his head to the side. He crossed the kitchen and held Keith in his arms. 

"That is so sweet...but it smells like you're about to burn our apartment down." Lance laughed and Keith smiled in the crook of his neck.

"Our... anniversary is coming up." Keith mumbled in Lance's shirt and Lance peeled back to look him in the face. "What?" Keith asked.

"I thought you never wanted to celebrate."

"Well, I don't. I didn't. But I just feel like this year... yeah?"

"Oh." Lance chuckled nervously and pulled back from Keith. He looked around the kitchen to the meat on the counter and the empty hot pots in the sink. He went to open the oven and disregarded Keith's pleas to 'please, don't.'

In the oven, a charred loaf of bread sat on a cookie sheet. Lance just grinned and closed the oven door. He looked over to Keith's worried face and without thinking, cupped his face and kissed him. 

"Thank you." Lance said.

"We can't even eat it." Keith pouted, but grinned at how loving Lance was being, which made the rest of this night incredibly hard for him. 

"Look, we'll do this. I'm going to take a shower. You order Chinese and we'll watch garbage tv?" Lance offered.

"Well, could we eat with no TV... and just talk?" Keith counter-offered. He thought it was just a simple offer, but Lance knew him enough to find something suspicious. 

"Talk? About what?" 

"I don't know. Life? Our therapy?" Keith felt his cheeks start to warm. He was a terrible liar, especially to Lance. Lance raised his brow and smiled. "What?"

"Keith. You? Talk?" 

"I talk."

Lance chuckled and headed toward the bathroom. "Okay, Keith, we can talk when I'm out the shower."

Nerves and jitters were kicking Keith's ass by the time Lance finished his shower. Thankfully his nighttime routine lasted long enough for their takeout to get there. His flop in the kitchen was made up by the way he set up a blanket on the floor in their living room, their takeout put on actual dishes and a few candles lit around the living room. 

Lance entered with a dropped jaw. "Wow... really outdoing yourself tonight." Lance joined Keith down on the blanket, giving him a kiss before settling comfortably against him. Keith had a lump the size of baseball in his throat. 

It was insanely quiet as Keith handed him his plate and Lance didn't even eat. He looked at Keith with a confused stare. "Okay, what's up with you?"

"What?"

"Don't what me."

"Lance, I'm fine okay. Just... don't..."

"Don't what?"

"I want to have a nice dinner."

"What..." Lance scoffed and looked around their living room as if they had an invisible audience. "We're having a nice dinner. You're just being weird."

Keith fell quiet again. He decided to bite into an egg roll, but he wasn't feeling very hungry. He should just say it. He should just come out and say it. He was making things worse yet he didn't want to fix it. It was like he wanted to continue watching things burn before his eyes. Maybe he needed to see Dr. Echardt to unpack that?

"Okay..." Lance sighed and started to eat. "Well, my students did pretty well on their finals. Remember that one kid I told you about, who brought a hamster to class?"

"Lance." Keith said abruptly. Lance gave him his full attention. Keith swallowed. "I have to leave."

"Oh." Lance put his plate to the side as if Keith needed to make a quick run to the store. "Where do you need to go?"

"No." Keith shook his head. He wasn't making any sense. "I have to go to with the Blades. I got a call that there's an emergency in Daibazaal. More Zarkon and Sendak sympathizers are rising up and they need the Blades to handle it. They need me."

"Oh." Lance said again then smiled sheepishly. "It's just a mission. I know it's dangerous but you'll be back. Don't worry-"

"It's for five months. It might even be longer." Keith cut him off. Silence weighed heavy in their apartment and Lance's food grew cold on his plate.

"Oh..."

"Lance, I'm so sorry. I didn't know how to tell you and I don't want to go-"

"Then don't go."

"Lance."

"I'm serious, Keith. I know that you do missions and everything with the Blades but they need to respect the decision that you're retired-"

"They _do_ respect it. If you haven't noticed, I'm hardly out on missions anymore, but this is a serious matter. It has the potential to incite civil war on Daibazaal and we just need to stop it before it gets to that point."

Lance stood from the floor and Keith caught his wrist. "Come on, Lance. Don't walk away."

"I just need to think, babe. Okay?" Lance said softly and Keith let him go. He watched Lance pick up the wine bottle they had on the floor and walk back to their room and heard him shut the door. 

"Fuck."

After an hour of sitting before a blank tv and thinking over his many life choices, Keith decided to finally get up. He blew out all the candles and packed away their food before heading back to their room. He expected Lance to be sound asleep, but he was still awake. He was on his phone and looked up to Keith when he came in, but didn't say anything. He just put his phone away and turned his back to him. 

Keith slipped into bed, laid on his back and stared up to their dark ceiling. He didn't even realize that his eyes were watering until he felt tears pool over onto his pillow. 

"I love you, Lance." He said in a raspy voice. He felt Lance shift in the bed, but he didn't look over to him. "I watched you for so long...so long from a distance. I watched you when I didn't know what I wanted. I watched you when I knew what I wanted. And... I wanted you for so long, Lance. This wasn't an easy decision for me."

Keith felt Lance's arms wrap around him and his face nuzzled against his neck. "I know, babe." A soft kiss pressed on a trail of tears on Keith's cheek. "We'll make it, okay?" 

Lance sat up on his elbow to look Keith in the face and he finally looked over. "We've been through too much, Keith. It's hard to deal with now, but you're important, not just to me but to the universe. I have to learn to share you."

Keith smiled as Lance wiped a tear from his eye. "Therapy is really working."

"She's good." Lance shrugged. He kissed him and rested his forehead on his. "I love you, too. So much."

They stayed like that for a moment, Lance's eyes closed and hand cupped on Keith's jaw, and breathing the same air. 

*Keith didn't really know what came over him. He never planned when he wanted to be physical again, but this time was as good as any. His hands smoothed down Lance's chest and Lance opened his eyes. 

Keith bit his lip as he tugged softly on Lance's shirt. Lance looked down at his hand then back to Keith's eyes. "Are... are you sure?"

"I'm sure." He whispered before he pressed his mouth to Lance's. 

"I want you to be sure." Lance muttered out between Keith's nips along his jaw.

Keith stopped and plopped back on his pillow. He sighed. "I want you to _fuck_ me. Is that clear?"

"Keith." Lance reprimanded his name yet rolled on top of him. Keith knew Lance liked a smoother approach and he grinned. 

"Fine." Keith wrapped his arms around Lance's neck all the while opening his legs to let Lance get comfortable. "I want you to _make love_ to me."

Lance didn't want to get ahead of himself or seem too eager. It had been literally months and he didn't want Keith to be too overwhelmed. Instead of just diving in, he took a deep breath to control himself, but Keith laughed and broke his concentration. "Are you praying?"

Looking down at him, the moonlight filtering through the blinds on his face, his smile, Lance could feel himself falling in love and he wanted Keith to feel his love in any way he could. He slipped Keith's shirt off.

"I just want you to feel good, okay?" Lance said softly then craned down to kiss Keith's neck. He worked his way down Keith's body, switching between licks, nips, and kisses. He loved the way Keith hummed and how his hands instinctively came to rub the back of Lance's head. He kissed a line down to Keith's underwear and paused. He glanced up to him and Keith lifted his hips in an instant, taking his bottoms off. 

"Lance?"

"Yeah, babe?"

Keith swallowed. He wasn't nervous about sex. It just had been a while. "You remember that I-"

"I know what you have." Lance chuckled and to make his point, he licked long and slow between Keith's legs. Keith's head rolled back on his pillow. "Don't worry, babe. Just relax."

Lance worked him slow, locking Keith's thighs around his neck. He tried to be attentive to his moans, the way he clenched, and grabbed the hair at the back of Lance's head. He didn't stop until he heard Keith's moans fill their room and Keith relaxed like putty into their sheets.

Lance crawled back up to Keith with a smirk. "I still got it?" He asked and Keith nodded sleepily. "Do you want to stop?"

Keith's eyes opened more and he shook his head. He started to sit up. "No, I'll do you now."

"You don't have to." Lance cut him off and eased him back on his back. Keith looked at him confused. "Trust me, I don't need it." Lance said.

Before Keith could ask, Lance positioned himself between his legs and he felt something warm and hard rest against his leg.

"Oh." He smiled. He felt warm in the pit of his stomach. "Okay."

"Are you ready, babe?" Lance asked. Keith nodded.

Lance took his time and Keith watched the scrunched face Lance always made when he first pushes in. Keith smirked. He loved this man so much. 

Once Lance became flushed against him, Keith grunted out a moan. Lance hovered over him, eyes closed, getting used to the feel and Keith held onto his sides. His knees felt weak. 

Lance started slow at first, pushing back and forth at a deliberate pace. It wasn't long before Lance was rocking into him, the bed creaking, and Lance fisting the sheets in his hands. Grunts and moans overlapped in the air. Keith felt sweat beading underneath him, making his back stick to the sheets. He gripped Lance's sides as he started pounding into him and Keith felt filled in all the right ways. 

Soon, Lance's thrusts were getting sloppy and his hips began to stutter, but his eyes were clenched closed. Keith knew what it meant.

"Baby, you can finish, it's fine." Keith whispered against his ear.

"But it wasn't that long."

"It's okay baby." Keith said, but it didn't even matter because he felt Lance finished right then and there. He gave a few pushes before finally slowing to a stop. He bent his head over onto Keith's chest. At first, Keith thought he was just catching his breath and the drops of water he felt were his sweat. But he heard him sniffle and Keith gently lifted Lance's chin to look him in the face.*

"Why are you crying?" Keith asked, but Lance didn't answer him. He just cradled Keith into his arms and sobbed on his shoulder.

"Is it because I'm leaving?" Keith asked after a moment of intense silence except for Lance's sniffling.

"Just promise me, you'll come back." Lance said against Keith's naked chest.

"I'll try my best... that's all I can do."

Keith didn't ask him anymore questions. He just rubbed Lance's back, consoling him until they both fell asleep. 

\----

Dr. Echardt paused to grab a sip of water then she looked back to Lance on the couch. "So...Keith told you he was leaving on this mission and he'd be gone for months. How did you respond?"

"Well, I needed to think about it. But Keith came back to the room. We had sex." Lance summed up and shrugged, but Dr. Echardt asked for more with her silence. Lance sighed. "The next morning, I helped him get ready and packed to go. I was upset for a while because he waited so long to tell me, but I guess I understand. It's a tough topic."

"Did Keith already leave?"

"He left three days ago. They set a rendezvous at Altea before leaving, so he's there now. He sends his regards and feels bad about not telling you. Duty calls." Lance shrugged again. It was hard to continue this facade, but Dr. Echardt was seeing right through it. 

"How will you be handling these next few months?" She asked. 

"Well, I mean, we still have our tablets. We'll talk through there at least three times a week. Everyday seemed like a stretch." 

Dr. Echardt nodded. "It seems like you two had an extensive talk about it."

"We did." Lance said quickly. "I know i'm going to miss him, but it'll be okay. He just needs to make it home, that's all."

Dr. Echardt weighed her words for a brief moment before speaking. "Lance, from what you and Keith have told me about these intergalactic missions, is that it can get very dangerous. You have to face the possibility that he won't return home-"

"I know that!" Lance snapped. He didn't even realize that his leg was jittery until he stopped. "Sorry... it's just... I know that possibility." 

"I'm sorry, Lance. I'm not trying to make you think negatively."

"I know." 

"Will you continue to come see me? I do enjoy our talks." Dr. Echardt offered a smile.

"Yeah," Lance said. "I think it would be good for me."

"And to think you never wanted to go into therapy in the first place." She chuckled and Lance grinned sadly.

"People change, doc."

\-----

TWO DAYS LATER

Lance was getting by fairly well without Keith. Or at least, he avoided the thought and topic completely so he wouldn't spiral out of control. Finals were over at the Garrison and Lance knew that staying trapped in his apartment all summer long would make him go crazy. So, he planned to stay at his parent's house at least for break. Things were still rocky with his dad, but at least he had his siblings and adorable nieces and nephew to cushion his visit. 

In his bedroom, Lance had a suitcase plopped out on their bed. All of his summer clothes were piled around their room sectioned by color and functionality. Every time he held up one of Keith's shirt or even his sock, he had to wrangle his thoughts back from running free. Instead of being on a five month expedition, Keith was just doing a weekend visit to Shiro's. That's all. 

He suddenly realized it was too quiet so he set to turn some loud Cuban music on and dance and pack his anxiety away. As he stood up to get his phone, he heard the front door jostle open. Lance froze. Shiro and Veronica had keys for emergencies, but he wasn't expecting either of them to make a visit. 

There was no way that he was back so soon. It had only been a week.

Before Lance could get too hopeful, he leapt from his room out to the front room to see Keith in his Blades uniform, bringing his suitcase through the door and dropping it by the couch.

A confused smile crossed Lance's face. "Babe? What the hell?"

Lance was happy to see him, but when Keith turned around, Lance immediately noticed his bloodshot eyes. He'd been crying. "Keith, what's wrong?"

Keith bit his lip and a tear rolled down his cheek. He squared his shoulders and let out a huge sigh.

"Lance, I'm pregnant."

Lance didn't even get a chance to process what he'd even said before Keith dropped the next bomb on him.

"And...I- I think we should take a break."

The only response Lance could even get out was a sort of weird chuckle and he muttered. "What the fuck?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **also sidenote, lance did NOT tell his therapist in detail how he sexed his boyfriend lol (good heavens) just thought i'd put that out there


	5. You Are Not Dispensable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith has a one on one session with Dr. Echardt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that Keith calling a break seemed out of nowhere, but this chapter will explore his side. Trust the process lol

It was 2:30 am. Amelia Echardt rolled over in bed to look at the back of her husband's head. He was still sound asleep even though his snore whistled softly in the early morning silence. The weight of their argument the night before still felt like it had a choke on her heart. Amelia wiped her face and tore the sheets from her body. She took herself to the bathroom and decided on a hot scalding shower. 

It was a practice she'd recently picked up. The steam from the water was like a warm caress from someone unknown, silently telling her in her lone shower stall, that everything was going to be okay. She took a few moments to stand in silence, soaking up the quiet, clearing her mind for the task she was about to do.

She stepped out the shower, got dressed in her usual white blouse and decided on a red pencil skirt. She brushed out her hair and tucked it neatly into a bun. A little bit of mascara and lipstick then she headed downstairs to the living room. In the dark, she found their desk and turned on the computer. 

It was 3 am. He answered not even a second after making the video call. 

"Keith." She said quietly although she had no reason to. Her husband could sleep through a hurricane. "I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. Was it very long?"

"No." Keith said. He was sitting outside and the sun shone on his face. Behind him, Amelia could see white and pink puffy clouds against a pale blue sky. Altea looked like a dream. 

"I'm glad you decided to reach out to me." Amelia said. "I was wondering how you were doing in Altea."

A deep sigh rolled out of Keith. "As good as I can ever be."

"You've had an eventful couple of weeks. I'm hear to listen if you need to talk it out."

Keith's hair was disheveled like he hadn't brushed through it in days and it became evident when he tried to run a hand through his hair and it got caught.

"I do. I don't know what to do." Keith said. He glanced around to make sure he was alone. "It's been... hard." 

Amelia nodded. "I understand. Start whenever you'd like."

"Right..." Keith let out another sigh. "It started when i was packing to leave for Altea..."

\---

The smell of bacon woke Keith up even more out of his sleep. He stirred to snake his arms around Lance but was surprised to not feel him there. Keith peeled himself from the bed and went out to living room. He heard the music before even stepping into the kitchen and Lance was at the stove, turning bacon and frying eggs. He didn't even notice Keith standing under the archway, still sleepy but with a tired smile on his face watching Lance sing and dance.

"It's a good thing you're an instructor." Keith said loudly over the music. Lance turned around startled then laughed. "You'd never make it as an entertainer." 

Lance turned down the music. "Are you kidding? I carried the Voltron Show on my BACK." He crossed the kitchen and gave Keith a kiss.

"Hmm. I heard Shiro was the fan favorite." Keith said.

Lance rolled his eyes. "Aliens wouldn't know real talent if it bit them in the ass." He took out two plates and filled them with waffles, eggs, and bacon.

Keith watched him lovingly. His thoughts weren't really processing, he just basked in the warmth of the moment. Lance set a plate in front of him on the island.

"What's all this for?" Keith asked. 

"You're leaving today. You should have your favorite breakfast." Lance said and went about cleaning up the kitchen before sitting down at the island with Keith. He noticed Keith hadn't started eating and paused. "You don't have to wait for me. You can eat."

"Why do you do this?" 

Lance looked confused. "Do what?"

 _"This."_ Keith gestured at the food. "Everything. You're so good to me, Lance." He bit his lip. It was too early to be in his feelings and he had no idea why he was feeling so reflective this morning. Maybe it was because he was leaving that morning and won't be seeing Lance in five or more months. But even then, he knew he'd see him again. So why was he tearing up?"

Lance could see his glossy eyes and took his hand. He kissed his knuckles then rested Keith's hand against his face. "I just love you, Keith. I know we're going to make it."

"But how are you so sure?"

"I just do." Lance said without skipping a beat. "Don't you think so?"

Keith took a second to think. "I want to. I really do-"

"Then that's all that matters. We keep trying." He kissed Keith's knuckles again.

"Right."

At the Garrison, a sea of officers and cadets bustled about the IGF-ATLAS deck. It was thirty minutes until they launched and Keith still hadn't made it inside. All morning Lance hung on Keith's side, hugging him, kissing him, and putting his hand on his back. Keith didn't mind it though. He knew this was the longest time they'd ever be apart since dating. This was new territory for both of them.

They reached the outside of the ATLAS. An eager cadet had already taken Keith's luggage inside. A looming dread settling into Keith's legs. He turned to Lance and he could see the pain in his face even though he hid it well over a smile.

"This is it." Keith said awkwardly. 

"Yep." Lance nodded.

"What are you going to do over summer break? Stay at home?"

"Nah," Lance waved. "Probably go to my parents. I'd go crazy if I stayed put."

"Okay." Keith sighed. He needed to say goodbye, but he couldn't for the life of him. Thankfully, Shiro walked up to them, his suitcase being carried by his hovering prosthetic. 

"Hey, Keith. Lance." He greeted. "Better head inside before they leave you." 

"Okay, I will." Keith said and Shiro nodded.

"See you around, Lance." He waved and Lance waved back.

"Have a good voyage, Admiral." Lance called. He looked back to Keith's exasperated face. "Looking forward to big brother for five months?"

Keith rolled his eyes. "Can't wait for the many, many talks." He chuckled at Lance's face. "Well, I guess I should head in now."

"Yep." Lance agreed, popping the 'p'.

Keith gave him a small wave and tried to say a quick goodbye, but Lance grabbed his arm and pulled him back. He chuckled as Lance brought him close to his body.

"Nuh uh." Lance muttered. He cupped Keith's face with both of his hands. The kiss was slow, deliberate, and Keith could feel his knees go weak at the feel of Lance's tongue in his mouth. They pulled back and rested their forehead against each other. "Please be safe, babe."

"I will." Keith gave him three more pecks before parting from them. He ignored the few people who had witnessed the obscene PDA, but he didn't care. "I love you." Keith called and Lance smiled wide, tears in his eyes.

"I love you, too."

Keith decided to stay in his room and sleep for most of the trip to Altea. He didn't know why, but as soon as he laid down, he was incredibly tired and slept for seven hours. He woke up at the night cycle on the ship and was surprised to have seen two missed calls from Lance. He wanted to call him back, but his stomach kicked violently. He was starving. 

It wasn't surprising that even during the night cycle, the ship was abuzz with life. For a ship as big as the ATLAS, staff had to work around the clock to make her function. A few people waved and said hello as Keith walked the hallways, but he was able to reach the mess hall without having a single conversation. 

The food on the ATLAS was terrible, but at least it wasn't food goo. He filled his tray with packaged sandwiches and jellos and found a seat far away from everyone. He was halfway through his meal when he saw a metal tray plop next to his. He sighed, preparing to have a mundane conversation, but looked up to see Shiro settling down. 

"You're finally up. You've been sleep since we left." He said.

"I don't know. I guess I was just tired." Keith shrugged and inhaled his third jello cup. "Were you looking for me?"

"No. Our work doesn't begin until we get to Altea. We're going to meet with Allura and discuss our strategy with the Voltron Coalition." Shiro said. 

"It's kinda funny that it's still called Voltron Coaltion without Voltron."

"Well, we still have Voltron and all of our paladins. It's more of a last resort." Shiro said. He finally took a bite of his sandwich and frowned at the taste. He continued eating it anyhow. 

"Do you think we'd need Voltron for this?" Keith asked. 

Shiro shrugged. "I don't know. Hopefully we can squash this civil war on Daibazaal. That's why we're bringing the ATLAS, just in case. But if the rebels have advanced more than we thought, then it might be possible that Voltron is needed." 

They ate in silence for a moment and all Keith could think about was Lance. Everyone else was still actively engaged with the rebuilding after the war. Hunk was a bit of a diplomatic chef. Pidge was still designing tech and Keith was sure some of the ATLAS' upgrades were her doing. Allura was the queen of Altea and the head of the Voltron Coalition. Even Keith kept himself busy with Blades missions. But Lance was different. He never signed up for the war yet he buckled up and did what he needed anyway. If push came to shove, would he come together and form Voltron if it was needed.

Shiro took a long sip of water and watched Keith's pondering face. He cleared his throat. "How are you and Lance?"

Keith blinked. "How'd you know I was thinking about him?"

"I've been thinking about Curtis. I just guessed." 

"Well, it's a long time away from home." Keith said. "I feel like we were just getting better but now... I don't know. What if it falls apart again?"

"I thought you've been seeing a couples therapist?"

"We have." Keith answered quickly. "She's amazing. And we've been doing great within just a couple months. But what if these next few months undo everything that-"

"Keith, Keith..." Shiro put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Relax. It's going to be okay."

He wanted to rest in those words, but he couldn't let it settle over him in a sweet comfort. 

"I don't know, Shiro. I won't be there. I'm going to miss Lance's birthday. We don't even know how long this is going to last. And I won't be there to remind Lance that I'm..." Keith trailed off. He didn't even know what he was saying.

"Remind him of what?"

"...I don't know. It sounds ridiculous, but I just don't want him to forget me."

Shiro laughed and it might have been in innocence, but a small flicker of rage ignited in Keith's chest.

"Keith, he won't forget you."

"I mean, I know that. I just... I don't know what I'm saying." Keith sighed and looked at his empty tray. He suddenly felt really tired again. 

"I promise, it's going to be okay." Shiro offered him his extra water pouch. "Don't worry about it. You'll get through it. You're not someone who gives up. I mean, how many times have you saved me? Even after I died." They looked each other from the bleakness of his statement then they both chuckled.

"We've been through a lot." Keith said.

"Yeah, we have. That's why you just have to trust the process. I believe in you two."

Keith nodded. He was too tired to fight his feelings or to make Shiro understand something that he didn't quite understand himself. 

Shiro took another bite of his sandwich and grimaced. "Ugh, I can't." He pushed the tray away. 

"I'll eat it." Keith took his tray and started to stuff his face. Shiro shook his head and rose from his seat.

"By all means. I'll see you when we land. I'm gonna head back to sleep."

They said goodbye and Keith polished off the rest of Shiro's tray. He walked back to his room and sleep was pulling at his eyes. Once he made it back to his room, he didn't even have a chance to make it to bed. His stomach lurched and he went running for the bathroom, throwing up everything he had just eaten.

The alarm blared in Keith's room. His old Voltron days flashed in his mind, but thankfully they weren't under attack. The ATLAS was landing on Altea.

Keith felt worse when he woke up. He wanted to throw up again, but there was nothing left in his stomach. This was quite the way to start off the mission. Keith washed his face and tried to make himself not look like how he felt. 

He joined the hundreds of others in the docking bay of the ATLAS and they all poured out once the ship made contact with the ground. Keith spotted Shiro and he waved him over.

"Are you all rested?" Shiro asked when Keith came over. "We're going up to meet with Allura."

Keith nodded and Shiro caught onto his even paler face and his slightly wobbled gait. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm good." 

"Okay." Shiro was clearly not convinced, but they walked up to the castle together anyhow. 

Altea always looked the same everytime Keith visited. Pale blue skies. Puffy clouds. The distant sight of pink juniberries over rolling hills. And the towering Altean castle guarded by dozens of dark green hedges and trees. Allura stood at the entrance and Kolivan stood beside her. They greeted Shiro and Keith as they walked up.

"Shiro! Keith! It's so great to see you!" Allura cried. She disregarded her regal posture and tossed herself into a group hug between them. "I wish it was under other circumstances though."

"It's great to see you, Allura." Shiro said and shook Kolivan's hand. "Kolivan."

"Shiro." Kolivan turned to Keith. "You've let yourself go." 

"Nice to see you too, Kolivan." 

Allura chuckled nervously and moved them to walk after her. "Everyone else is already here. We're meeting in the war room. Keith, your mother is still on Daibazaal."

"Is she alright?" He asked.

"Yes, she'll be joining us over video."

"She needed to stay behind to keep a watchful eye. Things are getting serious." Kolivan said. Keith followed along, but it was getting harder to keep himself together. Nausea hit again and his mind was beginning to get fuzzy. He heard Allura speaking but nothing processed. Before he knew it, he felt himself swaying back and seeing black. Only hearing Shiro call his name as he hit the floor.

Keith woke up once again. He knew without a doubt he was in the med wing of the castle. Unpleasant memories resurfaced from the last time he was there, but he forcefully moved past it. An Altean doctor was by his bedside. He grinned when he noticed Keith was awake. 

"Good morning, as you humans say." He said. 

"What happened?" Keith asked. He moved and he felt his body get incredibly stiff. His right arm had an IV hooked into his arm. 

"You passed out." The doctor supplied helpfully. He handed Keith a cup of water and he drank it within a gulp. "I could only imagine it was a matter of time. You had an intergalactic trip and were not resting at all. Your body was going to make you rest if you didn't give it a chance."

Keith looked at him confused. "What do you mean? I travel all the time. I've never had trouble before."

"Well, you probably weren't pregnant before. I could imagine-"

"What?" Keith cut him off and sat upright. His grogginess instantly cleared. "Pregnant. You said I'm pregnant."

"Yes." The doctor said matter-of-factly. Reading his Keith's bewildered face, he softened. "Oh, this is news to you."

"Yes!" Keith screamed. He felt himself shaking. "What? How... when? I don't..." The words blubbered out of Keith then he just stopped. He rested back on the bed. "I'm... pregnant."

"Yes." The doctor repeated. "From the tests I had to run, I found that you are a half breed. Half Galra, half human. I tested the hCG levels in your blood. It was conclusive. You're in the very early stages of your first trimester." 

Keith tried to think over the past couple days. He'd just had sex with Lance a couple nights ago. "I don't understand. I had sex only like two nights ago-"

"Galra pregnancies are very different than human pregnancies. Conception happens much quicker for Galra... and Alteans incidentally." 

Keith swallowed hard. "What the fuck..." He wiped his face. Waves of anxiety, fear, hope, and even more fear fought for power in his chest. In the end, it just resulted with him lying on the hospital bed strangely numb. 

The Altean doctor gave him a few moments of silence to process whatever he needed to process. He cleared his throat. "I'm not sure if you know, but the beginning stages are extremely important-"

"I'm familiar." Keith cut him off gently and just like that, tears he didn't even know he had came spilling out. He sniffled. "I was pregnant before... but the ba...the baby died." He said softly. 

"Hmm, I see." He said. He took out a pad and began typing. "Do you know what the cause was?" 

Keith blinked. Usually, the callousness of the question would've offended him, but this time he breezed passed it. "I don't... I don't remember." He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "Something about it not attaching right. To be honest, it was a bit of a blur." To be even more honest, Keith successfully blocked that part of his life from memory. He hated thinking about it. 

The doctor nodded. "I see. Well, I think it'd be in your best interest to stay and rest here for a couple days."

Keith agreed and then he suddenly remembered the whole reason why he was even on Altea. "Wait, the meeting. Allura-"

"Queen Allura has been notified. She informed me to keep you sectioned off and kept in the med bay until you are healthy again." The doctor said and Keith seemed to relax. "What about your partner? Would you like to notify them?"

"No." Keith said admittedly. "I just need to process all of this before I tell him." 

The doctor handed him another cup of water. "Well, for now, just rest." He moved to leave, but Keith stopped him.

"Actually, can you bring Queen Allura in?"

About an hour later, Allura came to the med bay by herself. Keith hadn't even noticed when he first came that she cut her hair at her shoulders. It was still white and puffy, the front of her head braided with a new Altean crown sitting on top. Other than that, she dressed in a pink, blue, and white flight suit. Keith was definitely gay, but he could see why Lance liked her so much.

"Keith, I'm so glad you're okay." Sh sat at his bedside.

"Thanks. The doctor told you?"

Allura nodded knowingly. "I know." She put her hand over his and held it. "How are you faring?"

Keith shrugged. "I don't know to be honest. But what about the mission? The Blades in Daibazaal-"

Allura waved it off. "Don't worry yourself about it. Your health is what matters. We'll be fine. You... and Lance... are welcomed to stay here at the palace for as long as you'd like. My medical staff is at your hand."

Keith wasn't sure if his hormones were already starting to screw with him, but he started crying. Allura's eyes widened. She'd never seen him cry. She reached over and hugged him. "Keith, it'll be okay."

"Allura, I'm so sorry..." He whispered into her neck. She froze and recoiled back.

"Why are you apologizing?" She asked, her face a display of concern.

"For what I did. You didn't deserve that." He said after a bout of silence. She knew exactly to what he was referring. They'd never had a full conversation about it. They always ignored that it ever happened and just moved on. But Keith couldn't look past it. Not with how generous and kind Allura was being for yet a second time without even hesitating.

Usually, Allura would smile, give Keith a second hug and say 'it's all in the past'. But she took a pause and shook her head. For whatever reason, she needed to be honest. "You hurt me... greatly." She said.

Keith braced himself for the hurt that he knew he deserved. He even tried to prepare himself for Allura taking back all her medical staff once she realized she didn't have to anymore.

"Keith, you and Lance are two of my greatest friends. Lance... is Lance." She rolled her eyes. "But... I never thought you would hurt me in the way that you did. But..." Allura took a deep breath. "I have to take myself into accountability. I'm at fault for many wrongdoings myself. When I learned that you were half Galra, I hated you."

Keith nodded. He remembered clearly.

"It wasn't your fault yet I tried to make you accountable. It wasn't fair to you." Allura laughed sorely and shook her head. "To be honest, I knew I'd have to end things with Lance soon. I love him dearly, but we just weren't meant to be. It wasn't fair for me to start a relationship with him knowing that he loved you. I saw it. I saw the way he was around you versus the way he was around me. Don't get me wrong, you did a quiznacking wrong thing." She said sternly, but then her face softened. "It's life, Keith. I think we all hurt one another and we have to forgive and move on."

Allura handed Keith a tissue because he was full on crying. "I'll be here if you need anything." She said once Keith has calmed down and wiped his red swollen eyes. 

"Thank you for everything, Allura."

She smiled. "For you, anytime Keith." She got up to leave. "Do you want me to send for Lance?"

"No." Keith said. "I want to tell him myself. Once I get cleared to travel again... I think we need to have a long talk."

"Okay. And your condition is safe with me. No one but myself and the med staff will know."

"Thanks, Allura."

Four days had passed and Keith was stable enough to unhook from the IVs. He had visits from Shiro, Hunk, Shay, and even Coran. He told them he just had a stomach flu and that he'd be better in a couple days. He made them promise not to tell Lance because he didn't want to get him worried over nothing. Hunk sent over sweets and Shay made a get well card that was passed around and filled with dozens of different languages giving Keith well wishes. 

The doctor came in and saw Keith getting dressed in his Blades uniform. 

"You waste no time." He said.

"I need to get back home. My partner still doesn't know."

The doctor nodded. "Well, if you decide to continue with the pregnancy, make sure you return back. And take these pills to keep your immune system up." He handed Keith a small bottle of pills. He raised his eyebrow at the Altean script. "It just says take one a day on a full stomach."

"Got it." Keith zipped up his suit. "And thank you for everything you've done the past couple days."

"It's my pleasure, Keith. Get home safe."

A few hours later, Keith found himself outside of his apartment. Respectfully, only a week had passed, but he felt years older in heart. His trip back to Earth was a nightmare. He had no one to talk to. He refused to call or answer any calls from Lance. He was not mentally prepared for it. Thankfully, Lance had been cool with it. He sent a voicemail to Keith saying he was sure that Keith was just busy saving the universe, but just call him when he got the chance. Well, Keith was sure that Lance was playing it cool when in actuality, he was missing him terribly.

Keith wasn't sure how long he was standing in front of his door, suitcase beside him. He couldn't sleep on the trip back either. His mind was busy planning every single conversation he and Lance could have about this and Keith hated every outcome. 

In the end, he realized he didn't deserve Lance. What if this pregnancy didn't work out again? There was no way in hell and no amount of therapy that he could go through that again. He was so tired of crying. He was starting to get a headache. He had to do it. He was going to tell Lance.

Without thinking, he went through the front door and slammed his luggage down by the couch. He could hear Lance running from the bedroom.

"Babe? What the hell?" He heard Lance say behind him. Keith turned around and he saw Lance through his teary vision. "Keith, what's wrong?"

"Lance, I'm pregnant." He blurted. And with the next breath, he said what he'd been fumbling around with the last couple days. "And... I- I think we need to take a break."

Lance let out a sore laugh and tilted his head. "What the fuck?"

\---

It was 3:45am. Amelia hadn't let up her poised posture even being in the comfort of her home. Keith had vented everything that happened without a single tear and with the flattest emotion. She took note of his deflecting. 

"What happened after you came home?" She asked. 

Keith swallowed. "A lot of talking. Some yelling. A lot of cursing."

"What did you decide?" 

"Lance said that if I wanted to leave, I could leave. So I did. I came back to Altea to make sure the pregnancy goes well."

Amelia nodded in the silence. "Do you have a plan for the future?"

"No." Keith's voice wavered, but he didn't cry. "I don't know what I'm doing. Did I make a mistake with Lance? I just don't want to lose the baby again because I just know it would destroy us."

Interesting. "Why would it destroy your relationship?" Amelia asked.

"Because... because Lance wouldn't... I'd... I don't know!" Keith exclaimed into the camera. He sat back and wind ruffled his hair. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."

"It's okay, Keith." Amelia analyzed his face and a thought crossed her mind. "Do you have anyone else on Altea to speak to about your frustrations? You mentioned your brother Shiro was there."

Keith nodded. "Yeah, he's only here for the next few days before they go to Daibazaal to help the Blades. i told him that I was pregnant and he's the only one that knows."

The only one. A direction appeared in Amelia's mind. "Shiro. You've spoke about him in sessions before."

"Yeah. For a while he was the only family I had."

"Is that why you went through great lengths to save him?"

Keith made a confused look. He was obviously wondering what this had to do with him being pregnant, but he answered anyhow.

"Yeah..."

"And from what you've told me, a lot of those times were at the expense of yourself."

"Right."

"If I can give some insight, Keith." She said and Keith nodded for her to continue. "There is a pattern in the relationships that he hold dear. And I think it stems from your relationship with your brother."

"Shiro?" Keith's eyes widened. "What's he got to do with anything?"

"Shiro took you in when you were very young. And ever since then, you've been trying to prove that you were worth saving by discounting yourself and your own life."

"I don't understand."

"I'll give you an example: in the times that you've saved Shiro, you threw yourself into danger to show Shiro that you're willing to die in order to save his life. That you are willing to go these extreme lengths in order to prove you're valuable to him. At the root of it, you're afraid to disappoint him. Now, you are in a relationship with Lance. You don't want to disappoint and you feel like your past tragedy is a mark against you. is it possible that you believe if this pregnancy doesn't work out, Lance will no longer see the value in you?"

Keith opened his mouth then closed it quickly. He blinked twice before huffing out air. "I think so..." His eyes widened and it was like a light bulb set above his head. "There was a time during Voltron when I was about to sacrifice myself on the planet Naxela. I was saved in the nick of time but... I didn't even think about it..."

Amelia gave him a moment to think on it then she continued. "Keith, you are not dispensable. And you don't have to throw your life away in order to prove it."

Amelia's throat ached at the sight of Keith breaking his resolve and letting out a few tears. He didn't speak, he only nodded his head in agreement, but that wasn't enough for her.

"I want you to say it." She said softly. "I am not dispensable."

"I am not dispensable." 

"Say it again."

"I am not dispensable." He said with a little more conviction, tears misting his eyes.

"Believe it, Keith." She said. "You asked if you made a mistake with Lance and I can't say if you did or didn't. But we've learned over our past sessions that open communication is a crucial part of a relationship."

"Right... yeah. I know we need to talk again. We just needed time to calm down." 

"I understand." Amelia looked at the clock. "It looks like our time is up."

"Thank you so much, Dr. Echardt. It must be really late there."

"I would do it anytime, Keith." She smiled.

Keith stood up and the wind blew up his shirt. It was no secret that Keith had a toned figure, but there was no mistake of the slightest bump already showing under his shirt. Amelia's eyes widened and Keith noticed.

"Oh, sorry." He patted his shirt down. 

Amelia's smile faltered, but Keith didn't see it. "You're already showing."

"Yeah, Galra pregnancies have shorter terms. It's only six months. That's another reason why I'm here, to keep an eye on it."

Amelia's throat suddenly felt very dry. "Is it alright if I congratulate you?"

"Huh." Keith thought to himself and smiled. "I think I'd like that."

Amelia grinned. "Congratulations on your pregnancy, Keith."

"Thank you."

"Contact me if you'd like to speak again. I enjoy our talks."

"I will. Sleep tight."

"Have a good day." Amelia grinned and waved as the call ended. As soon as the screen turned blank, her shoulders dropped. She leaned forward and held her head in her hand. And in the quiet of the very early morning, Amelia Echardt wept, her own words of 'congratulations on your pregnancy' ringing in her ears. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this was a little tough to write. It hits very close to home because i struggle with going over and beyond for people to show them that I care. friend, if you are like me, i want you to know that you are not dispensable. you are valued and loved.


End file.
